Secret Origins Vol.2 by Brian Azzarello

Secret Origins Vol. 2 by Brian Azzarello
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

It took me several days to read this tombstone. I am just going to do one line impressions of each story, ’cause I’ve had a long day and this is not worth it.

Chapter 1: In which the Stone family is introduced through some lame dialogue and DC screws up their own timeline while Victor deals with anger management issues.

Chapter 2: In which Bruce Wayne has a George Clooney chin but not the vinyl suit and Jason goes for ninja training to deal with anger management issues.

Review: Green Lantern, Vol. 6: The Life Equation by Robert Venditti

Green Lantern, Vol. 6: The Life Equation by Robert Venditti
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This volume did a few things better than the last one.
One of those things was simply not being quite so loooong and rambley. Also, there’s a point in this one when Sinestro points out to Hal that his greatest strength is his unpredictability. And he’s lost his edge, because he’s trying to be a bureaucrat*, instead of just his usually leap first-look later kind of self.
Yay, Sinsetro! Couldn’t have said it better myself!

*Hal is now the leader of the GL corps. – Astonishing Anne

Another thing I thought was nice? This one has little pages explaining the huge hunks of missing information, due to the nature of these crossover events. Otherwise, this volume would have been indecipherable.
So…Thanks!
And even better idea would be to stop have so many crossovers.

Highfather showed up at the end of the last volume, and that storyline is the core of this one. The New Gods have come to our universe to get the Life Equation, and finally have the means to defeat Darkseid. Of course, in order to do that they need to wreck everything on this end.

In order to stop them, Hal has to team up with some really questionable individuals. But desperate times and all that nonsense…

Big Battles! Big Betrayals! Big Secrets Revealed!
Whatever. It wasn’t awful.
Here’s the thing, though. I just don’t like the direction that this title has taken. In fact, the Red Lanterns are the only interesting bunch in the entire group.
Guy Gardner is now officially the coolest Lantern out there.
It’s the truth!
I mean, Carol Ferris is Kyle’s girlfriend now, for God’s sake!
Did you just hear what I said?
What the hell?! Do you not see he’s wearing a Lego mask, Carol?!

Why are you kissing him?! Do you not remember what happened to his last girlfriend?
Wait! Carol! Noooooooo! Don’t open the…

It has cliffhangery sort of ending to this one, with Hal taking off and doing something crazy. It’s enough to make me want to find out what’s going to happen next…I guess. Maybe. I can’t really decide right now.

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Review: The Flash, Vol. 5: History Lessons by Brian Buccellato

The Flash, Vol. 5: History Lessons by Brian Buccellato

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I don’t know what to say about this.
It’s just…I have yet to feel fully captured by a solo Flash title.
I honestly love Barry Allen’s character. He’s sweet, funny, loyal, and makes a great addition to any team-up, but… on his own?
Woof.
Such a blah story.
I would lovelovelove to see a writer take this title on, and then make it exciting and fun. I know it can be done. And I know it can be done without turning Barry into a dark version of himself or some other nonsense.

As it is, I’m still ambivalent to this title.

Up first was a nice team-up with Hal Jordan that showed how they met.
Green Lantern & Flash! BFF’s FOREVAH!

The story had an old school feel to it that was sorta sweet & fun, but there wasn’t any real meat to that one.

Ok, I’m going to be completely honest here.
I don’t actually remember much about most of this volume. Mostly random villains, and unconnected stories…I think.
Sadly, the majority of it just left me with a vague feeling of meh.

The last few issues were my favorites. Barry accidentally frees an evil spirit who is intent exacting revenge on the descendants of the man who killed him.
There’s an actual story here that’s relevant to Barry’s life, and it made all the difference.
I wish the whole volume had been as interesting as the stuff at the end.

The Flash is just one of those characters (like Aquaman) that I simply refuse to give up on. I like what he stands for, so I’m going to continue on with his comics in the hopes that some writer will eventually knock my socks off.

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Review: Sinestro Vol. 1: The Demon Within by Cullen Bunn , Dale Eaglesham (Illustrator)

 

 

Sinestro Vol. 1: The Demon Within by Cullen Bunn

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I kind of thought now that Sinestro was getting his own title he’d be…nicer? I mean, he wasn’t totally evil in The End, so I assumed that they were maybe trying to pull him into anti-hero territory.

Nope. He’s still pretty awful.
Lyssa Drak (the evil chick who was chained to the Book of Paralax, for anyone who cares) is the narrator for the first bit of the story. She tells the origin of the rise and fall that led Sinestro to this point in his story.
The (sort of) neat thing is that since she’s wacky/evil herself, she tells it like he’s a misunderstood hero.
Except he’s not.
And anyone who isn’t possessed by the crazy bug can see him for the control freak that he is/was…is.
At any rate, Lyssa worships Sinestro like he’s some nefarious boy band.

There’s a few interesting things that happen once Lyssa tracks Sinestro down, but mostly it’s jsut rock-em-sock-em stuff, as he takes the reigns of the Yellow Lanterns back.
Every now and then you get a peek at a decentish character, but he’s mostly too assy to get behind at this point.
However, he does sort of declare an uneasy truce with Hal and his daughter, Soranik. She agrees to (sort of) team up with him to find the remaining Kougarians who had fled the planet before it was destroyed, by…shit. I can’t even remember who blew it up?
Anyone? Anyone?
You know what? Doesn’t matter. Nobody is going to read this. You know why?
It’s A Sinestro Comic Book!
It’s me and one other nerd out there, that are even reading anything remotely related to the Green Lanterns!

*sigh*

The end had a twist to it that I really didn’t see coming. I mean, it’s foreshadowed in the blurb.
He’s so much more…
But I just thought it was more yammering overblown blurbyness.
It’s a word if I say so!

The last issue was a weird Future-thing.
Blech. No. I don’t like those, and DC needs to stop it.

Read it, don’t read it. I don’t care.

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Review: Secret Origins Vol. 1 by Jeff Lemire

Secret Origins Vol. 1 by Jeff Lemire

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The only reason to read any of these Secret Origin stories, is if your are somehow unfamiliar with the characters.
Not only are the origins not Secret, they aren’t very interesting.
Somehow, I thought that because they were coming out with this Origin volume, I was going to learn something new, or maybe there might be a fresh twist on things.
Nope.
I’ll save you some time.
If you already read comic books, you’ve heard these stories before.
And, honestly, there are better versions of them out there.
Starfire and Harley Quinn were the only ones that haven’t been done to death.
Does that make them great?
No.
But at least I wasn’t rolling my eyes through either of them.
Superman, Green Lantern, and Aquaman were the only characters with stories that felt like the authors even tried to bring some kind of emotion to the table. I’m not saying they were AWESOME. I’m just saying it felt like they tried.
Green Arrow/Oliver Queen is just more we-like-the-tv-show crap, but if you’re into that, it won’t piss you off.
Batman, Batwoman, and Damien’s origins were all unbelievably regurgitated. Nothing was new.
NOTHING.
Red Robin (Drake), Robin (Grayson), and Supergirl, however, rounded out the bottom of the barrel.
I hated all of these guys by the time their issues were done.
Remember when Batman tracked Dick Grayson down and begged him to be his partner?
Yeah, me neither.
And evidently Tim Drake was super excited to partner up with Batman after he caused his poor parents to end up in witness protection.
Mom? Dad? I know I ruined your lives, but Brucey is gonna adopt me now, so…Laters! Enjoy looking over your shoulders for the rest of your (probably very short) lives!
Really? Drake comes off like a total douche. Normally, I like his character quite a bit, so…Thanks!
Supergirl.
*sigh*
One minute she’s fighting a Kryptonian dinosaur, and the next she’s (maybe) starting a war with North Korea over some of their astronauts that she saved.
Yeah. I know that nothing in that sentence made sense.

This isn’t awful, it’s just unnecessary.
It might make a nice gift for people who are just getting into DC characters, but I wouldn’t personally be thrilled to find this under my Christmas tree.

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Review: Justice League, vol 1; Origin by Geoff Johns

Justice League, Vol. 1: Origin by Geoff Johns

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Ahhhhhh, it was soooo good!
Well, except.
But I’ll get to that later. For right now, let’s just focus on the good. And there was plenty of good.
Most of the characters seem like an improved-on version of themselves.
Superman was probably the best in that regard. Finally you see what he should have been like all along. Very cool.

Batman was super-cool. Then again, he always was. I think you have to actively try in order to turn him into a douche.
Example: All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder, Vol. 1
*It can be done, folks. It just takes a special person to do it.*

Aquaman was the biggest surprise for me. Wow! I wanna read more about that guy! He popped outta the water and just stole the show from there on out. Seriously. Couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

Hal Jordan was not what I was expecting, but his interactions with Bruce provided quite a bit of comic relief.

The Flash. He was…The Flash.
He’s never been my favorite, and I doubt that’s going to change any time soon. Still, he wasn’t annoying. I can live with it.

Cyborg? How awesome is it that they stuck Cyborg in there?
Let me tell you.
Very
. I wouldn’t have thought it would have worked, but it did.

Ok. So you put all these guys together, add some great dialogue by Johns, and some incredible artwork by Lee…
Ta-da! Perfection! 5 stars!

Oh. Wait. I’m forgetting someone, aren’t I?
Ah, yes. Wonder Woman.
And here comes the above mentioned Except.

She was so stupid that I wanted to cry. Cry! As in, big fat tears rolling down my face. What the hell were they thinking?! Not only is she still clad in The World’s Most Recognizable One-Piece, but she also evidently has the mental capacity of a child!

Hm. Ice cream is wonderful.
Steve! Have you ever had ice cream? You must try it. This cook is truly blessed.
Steve, this place, you home is filled with so many wonderful things. Ice cream and rock and roll and…many wonderful things.

And…

Greetings warriors. I followed these things from your capital city. I saw you and saw you needed help.

Ok. Maybe that last one wouldn’t have sounded so bad, but everyone else was so…not using stilted dialogue.

Sooooo. Yeah. Wonder Woman is retarded.
I don’t get it. Maybe Geoff Johns had his heart broken by a chick who liked to dress up like the Amazon princess?
Sure, I’m reaching here, but why else would he hate her so much? And he must. There is no way he accidentally made her sound so…Gah!

Jim Lee did a great job making her look incredible (while she spouted nonsense), but in the end…
sigh
I knocked a star off for making the only girl look like an idiot.
Boo! Shame on you, Johns!

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Review: Kingdom Come – by Mark Waid and Alex Ross

Kingdom Come by Mark Waid
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

This is just about as bad a book as DK2.

There is a Power Girl Boob joke at the end, almost as if Waid read this and realized it had not a single moment of levity.

This is dark and right wing reactionary garbage. It’s scary because it doesn’t seem far off. Everything new or different or changed is bad. Also everyone in the justice league except batman and flash just abandon everyone.

Throw in the weird religious blunt hammering over the head…just NOT my cup of tea.

I’ve now read 2 horrid books in a row…both from Warner Bros…hmmm…

Sam hit all the nails on his review. Mark Waid, what the fuck? You have obviously grown. Thank god. Just move to Marvel…look what happens.

This just feels like every other stupid dark reactionary DC book of the last 30 years…Alex Ross art just seems like an excuse for the writer to just take a turd on the pages, and hope no one reads it. Honestly, Ross’ art isn’t amazing anymore. It’s the same every time, and just seems tired. It also seems like this is Justice all over again.

I’m sure Alan Moore and Frank Miller would love it.

Please, do NOT read this. You’d be better served poking yourself in the brain with a rusty spoon.

The cover was green..but I won’t drag my beloved Green Theme Week into this…

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Review: Animal Man Vol. 3 Rotworld; The Red Kingdom – by Jeff Lemire (and Scott Snyder to a lesser extent)

Animal Man, Vol. 3: Rotworld: The Red Kingdom by Jeff Lemire
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

***Green Theme Buddy Read with the Shallows…The Green is more Swampy’s territory, but it’s part of the trifecta with the Red and the Rot, and they’re all here…so ya. Plus Swamp Thing.***

Well…that was…terrible. Dark and depressing, I won’t be surprised if Buddy Baker becomes a raging alcoholic pill popper. Rot world was a crossover on the Dark-horror edge of the DCU spectrum….Animal Man, Swamp Thing, Constantine, Black Orchid, and so forth. There’s also lots of heroes who appear and get turned into zombies by the Rot…Buddy should have learned the best way to predict the future of your wife is to look at her mother…and they are both enormo-cunts. Like somehow it’s his fault that their daughter has powers? ThE real problem is that they spend more time chewing him out than listening to him or curing that crime against follicles that is Cliff…

The talking cat makes me think of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

Swampy is more interesting because his life partner isn’t a fucking cunt. Also, when did she start looking like a librarian? I think they ugged her up on purpose. The art is also terrible. By the end everyone is just a mess of lines and smudges and blechy colours. Not pleasant to look at, way too many thought and speech bubbles and internal monologues.

Oh and to top it all off, even in a book he doesn’t appear in, Batman saves the world and the day. Yup. Also, the Justice League manage to be useless twats as well. I did enjoy Frankenstein showing up…I like a lot that New 52 has a mandate for Frank to be in 33% of everything.

This was also just dumb. I think I went onto autopilot about halfway through the book.

I won’t be rushing to volume 4.

Disappointing for sure. I also hate super kids. What do u think is going to happen if you have kids with a superhero dude? Idiots. Also, who brings there mother in law on a road trip and doesn’t leave her in Wichita? Dummy.

Just not worth it. Lots of DCU grit. But not at all pleasant. No point other than depressing me. Yay.

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Review: Green Lantern Vol. 3 – The End. by Geoff Johns

Green Lantern, Vol. 3: The End by Geoff Johns
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I’m pleased to say, this is a bounce back for Papa Johns after the turd dumping that was Trinity War.

He’s had a hard-on for GL forever; and here, he’s able to close the chapter on a very respectable run for the Emerald Knights.

When last we left our hero, he (and on again GL/Nemesis Sinestro) were killed by Black Hand. We know that Black Hand killing doesn’t quite work, and Hal’s been dead before, so would they go back that way? Who knows, but we do see Hal and Sinestro stuck in the Black/Afterworld with a GL from the past.

Meanwhile, Sinestro’s Construct/Shared ring with Hal, goes for Simon Baz, a Muslim-American living in Deerborn, Michigan (my Great Uncle lived there too, lovely little place lol). There’s some well-meaning but heavy handed “we’re all good people” bit, a sort of Johns apologism for American foreign policy, torture, racism etc…OK moving on.

Simon gets guided by Squirrel/Chipmunk Lantern, who’s very entertaining, and is his Yoda. He ends up going on a quest (shockingly) with very little backup and training. It also turns out that he’s more powerful with his emotional lack of fear than some of the great ones!

This being the end of it, of course John and Guy show up, and I don’t mind them at all, but they don’t have a huge part to play (That would be the GL Corps books). Also, Kyle shows up with his rainbow brigade…ugh.

But this is Hal’s book. Hal’s the hero, he makes some gigantic sacrifices and leaps of faith to save the universe. The best part? Sinestro ends up making different sacrifices for different reasons, but when we see the end result, Sinestro is about as close to heroic as he will ever be.

So it’s a nice finish up, and everyone lives happily ever after…except the bad guys…and the people that die.

The Coda/Epilogue follows what happens to each of the lanterns, looking back many years later, and we see Guy, John, Kyle, and Hal, and what they ended up moving on to, all doing well.

However, for me, the best part of the whole thing was the relationship between Hal and Sinestro. They got to a point where they understand each other, won’t ever agree about the means, but agree to the same ends, and each makes a personal sacrifice to try and reach those ends. Hal is a hero, the greatest GL of them all, but Sinestro, I feel like his actions were even more heroic given the context, and the aftermath.

So, a very enjoyable, sentimental journery. Johns is forgiven here, because you know it’s his baby. It’s a good enough job, it stands out, the universe mumbo-jumbo cosmic shit is minimized, and the fact that it focuses on relationships and people instead of that helps a lot.

Well done.

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Review: Superman: Red Son, by Mark Millar

Superman: Red Son by Mark Millar
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

OK, so I recalled reading this, but I think I got it confused with Last Son of Krypton…because there’s no WAY I wouldn’t have gushed about how awesome this book is.

Superman: Red So(u)n (You’ll get it.) is, quite possibly, Mark Millar’s finest work.

This book is so full of little teasers and links to the original DCU that it’s like a Where’s Waldo game to find them all…I only read once, and I saw a few that were AWESOME.

I could literally gush about this non-stop. It was one of those few books you read the panels over and over again just because it’s so F’n awesome. It’s also one where you cover the next page with your hand because you don’t want to get ahead of things at all, you want to inhabit this story in real time.

Millar has also done the impossible, and made a major character even better than I thought possible. (hint: I’m not talking about the main character.) Millar has taken the essence of what makes each character we encounter important, and twisted it around just enough to remain interesting, while still, importantly enough, remaining true to each character’s roots.

I don’t want to give away too much, because reading this without any spoilers or clues other than the title and the obvious fact that Superman was going to be a Soviet Comrade instead of an American Citizen.

If I was to sum up in words how much I loved this book…I think it would be:

To the Power of

Oh…then there’s the ending. Mind. Blown. BOOM.

I was so jazzed I said out loud “Holy S**t!” My wife came in to ask me what was wrong…then she saw the comic book, and started crying for some reason…anyhow. YAY! COMIC BOOK AWESOME!

So so so so sooo good. I might not be able to be friends with you if you don’t really enjoy this.

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