Secret Origins Vol.2 by Brian Azzarello

Secret Origins Vol. 2 (The New 52)Secret Origins Vol. 2 by Brian Azzarello
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

It took me several days to read this tombstone. I am just going to do one line impressions of each story, ’cause I’ve had a long day and this is not worth it.

Chapter 1: In which the Stone family is introduced through some lame dialogue and DC screws up their own timeline while Victor deals with anger management issues.

Chapter 2: In which Bruce Wayne has a George Clooney chin but not the vinyl suit and Jason goes for ninja training to deal with anger management issues.

Chapter 3: In which we get gratuitous cleavage of Mera while she thinks furiously about Aquaman to deal with her exiled kingdom’s anger management issues.

Chapter 4: In which Diana and Aleka have a fun, wrestling-while-you-talk, loaded-with-homosexual-undertones conversation while Hippolyta tries not to tell her daughter about Hera’s anger management issues.

Chapter 5: In which the plotline swings back-and-forth even more than Deadman, who is left dealing with the fallout of his parents’ anger management issues.

Chapter 6: In which we have the most interesting story so far thanks to a megalomaniac’s childhood obsession with Legos and unresolved anger management issues.

Chapter 7: In which it takes longer to tell us how Barry became a CSI over Flash, all the while somehow not finding his mother’s murderer who probably had anger management issues.

Chapter 8: In which the daughter of the Cat and the Bat becomes a half-hearted archer hero after being tossed on another planet with major anger management issues.

Chapter 9: In which a Mowgli look-alike Superboy with a weird name goes through teen angst disguised as anger management issues.

Chapter 10: In which Starfire pioneers the really strapless and claspless bra, and Nightwing has to deal with the fallout of everybody’s anger management issues.

Chapter 11: In which the writer and penciller try to kill the reader through rippy artwork and a rickety plotline about Dr.Doolittle Animal Man because of their anger management issues.

Chapter 12: In which we get the best story of the collection, where Katana finds a simple solution to a knotty problem and reveals herself to be the only hero without anger management issues.

Chapter 13: In which the actual hero of the story doesn’t turn up until 6 pages later, understandably, because the position seems to be plagued by opponents with anger management issues.

Chapter 14: In which we get an interplanetary origin for Power Girl which we (read: Jeff) can thank a horde of demons for, invading due to someone’s anger management issues?

Chapter 15: In which may be the ugliest art of the book, also John Stewart has the Guardians on tenterhooks, because they may inadvertently give him anger management issues.

Chapter 16: In which the storyline completely makes no sense, the art is cute and Barbara sees the future by making an algorithm from her hidden anger management issues.

Chapter 17: In which a random girl is narrating the origin story of the heroes, who are two diametrically opposite teen boys who get trapped in an entity with anger management issues.

Chapter 18: In which some spectacular graphics give way to a weird parental abuse story for Poison Ivy who uses seductive plants to deal with her anger management issues.

Chapter 19: In which, despite going through all colors of rings, Guy Gardner does not deal with his anger management issues.

Chapter 20: In which, depending on what you wanted to hear, Constantine, his sister or some demon may have had anger management issues.

Chapter 21: In which a pointless story tells us how Dinah got her last name, and makes her badass hero name a twisted product of unresolved grief and anger management issues.

Not a one star book just because of the Katana and Poison Ivy stories.
View all my reviews

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