Flashpoint: The World of Flashpoint Featuring Wonder Woman by Dan Abnett

Flashpoint: The World of Flashpoint Featuring Wonder Woman by Dan Abnett
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

The futility of this book is beyond belief. I came into this with the bare bones of the story, having already seen the movie and I have to say – the movie is infinitely better.

The first four or five stories all focus on how the war in the Flashpoint world came about, then there’s a totally random one about Lois Lane and the resistance and even more random one about a white skull villain called the Outsider.

Review: Lobo Vol. 1: Targets, by Cullen Bunn

Lobo Vol. 1: Targets by Cullen Bunn
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

ARC from Netgalley in exchange for honest review/feedback.

OK, my waiting has finally ended! I’m now allowed to reveal that…Lobo is the WORST New 52 book I’ve ever read.

Cullen Bunn…2 “n”s together look like an “m” so it’s Bum, which is a synonym for “ass” and what comes out of an “ass”? “Shit”.

(Little known fact, Peter Milligan and Cullen Bunn are in fact, clones of Scott Lobdell and Ann Nocenti’s love child).

It’s been over a month, and I can’t recall much now, other than seething rage at how STUPID this was.

I was so fucking happy to get a NetGalley DC book, because they’re usually quite picky about who gets it…so of course, that should have had me worried when I got OK Green light approval…
That should have been more curious when I had a moratorium on comments or reviews until it was published. I tried to save you all…I think I might have prevented one or two reads…

Here’s the deal: Lobo we all “know” and “love” (Hardly do and barely acknowledge actually) the whole of his run, was actually an imposter. He’s decapitated and dispatched by the REAL, TRUE Lobo. Who’s actually quite an annoying shit to be perfectly honest. NO sense of humour at all. DC really cracked down on this. They literally sacrificed Lobo, the sense of humour character (similar to a Deadpool, but not as funny at all) in the opening pages. So DC kills humour. For real. It was like a terror cell showing you they aren’t kidding, no more humour in New 52 DC. Not unless it’s on OUR terms.

Once that apt metaphor is executed…like old Lobo…we get to watch the “real” Lobo go around and do some more killing, following around some idiots towards Earth, there’s some Superman appearance, yawn.

Then there’s some female Lobo-ette type girl, who’s seemingly a ripoff of Nebula from GotG? Or maybe she did exist before. Anyhow, she and Lobo are both apparently the appointed protectors of their planets, but Lobo killed his planetary leader for being evil/immoral/on the wrong path or some shit.
Lobo-ette, well she did the same thing to Lobo’s home planet’s twin planet. So they’re meant to be together? Or at war? Or something.

Honestly, I have such aching desire NOT to re-read this, even to save you all, that I’m just not going to bother trying.

The plot was hackneyed, stunted, idiotic, and chaos of the wrong kind. The character everyone wanted to see and thought they would see, was dead in the first few pages, DC editorial pretty much shitting all over the original creation of Lobo. He’s not a tweaked version, he’s literally a different character.

I didn’t know much about Lobo, but I wanted to know more, and this did NOT help. I’d like to go find old stuff now.

The best part? the moratorium on reviews until publish day (last week) helped my mind forget the pain and stupidity. I can’t pass it all on to you, my loyal reader(z)? and you’re much the happier for it.

DC?

DO. NOT. READ. THIS. PIECE. OF. JUNK.

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Review: All-New Doop, by Peter Milligan

All-New Doop by Peter Milligan
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Read in conjunction with DD week…D for Doop. Dumb, Dimwitted, Dullard, De-tarded, dispicable, displaced, depressing, desperate, etc.

Doop was a pleasant Lillie addition to the Wolverine and the X-Men book by Jason Aaron, comic relief and inside jokes, but not a focus very often.

I guess he was a hit, so they decided to make a book about him…oh that was a baaad idea.

He’s the summary: what rhymes with Doop? Poop. What’s a synonym for Poop? Shit. This book is what? Yup.

Art stinks, story is just a suggestion here, not and actual plot, and they make Doop into a creepy voyeur who obsesses over Kitty. He videotapes everything, and then slides through the margins (because he’s a MARGINAL character, get it?) to help? Or just manipulate events. He also has a terrible storyline where he discovers that his mother is actually an asexual hermaphrodite. Oh that’s so funny! Hahaha someone is different! Also, early on, they let Doop speak English, which kinda takes away any need to be clever at all. This is a big fat turd of a book.

Doop is Poop.

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Review: Ultimate FF Vol. 4 – Inhuman; by Mark Millar (and Mike Carey)

Ultimate Fantastic Four, Vol. 4: Inhuman by Mike Carey
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

OK so we’ve got 2 stories here: Think Tank, by Mike Carey (which is the weaker of the 2) and Inhumans (The Annual, by Mark Millar).

I guess the Mad Thinker Ultimate form is this girl in the story Rhona, who was rejected from the Baxter Building, and found out Reed got her spot instead (because her Psych consult was off the charts and she was a nutter). She is nuts because she lobotomizes her brother and then turns him into a robot or some shit? So she sets some trap in the BB…Reed figures it out, it’s kinda boring, and compared to the high quality the series was on so far, this was kind of a let down…the only interesting thing is the cliffhanger reveal where Reed is contacted by an alternate dimension…Reed!

I also didn’t love the art by Jae Lee.

The Mark Millar piece, about the Inhumans, was a bit better, introducing them to the Ultimate Universe. Johnny falls for Crystal, who’s being pursued by guards from Attilan. He tries to save her, gets his ass kicked, but she fixes him…because apparently the Inhumans are 10K yrs ahead of us, and avoid us because we’re like howler monkeys to them.
There’s a funny bit where Crystal gets taken back, and Johnny’s like “Oh no, how will we find her?” and Ben’s like “boy you’re really dumb aren’t you?” and then points to Lockjaw (the gigantic telepathic transporting Dog…) So they crash Attilan, we meet the Ultimate versions of Medusa, Black Bolt, Gorgon, and the others (including Maximus, who seems exactly the same).

A stupid fight ensues, and as such, Attlian must be abandoned, as the FF have ruined it. So Black Bolt levels it and they leave…the end.

Really, this was a big let down after Warren Ellis’ last 2 volumes…I just feel like it jumped all over the place, and the story really didn’t interest me much at all, nor did it explain anything, and the stereotypical caricatures of each member returned…

Rather disappointing, but not quite low enough for 2 stars…a generous 2.5+ rounded up?

Skippable.

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Review: Suicide Squad Vol. 3 Death is for Suckers (and so is this plot!) by Adam Glass (is full of rubbish)

Suicide Squad, Vol. 3: Death is for Suckers by Adam Glass
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

OK this is the comically bad type of book…as in I want to see how bad it can get…it’s not one of those misogynist or homophobic or just stupid books, it’s just a lame book with stiff writing.

So, at the end of last volume, Deadshot shot Regulus by shooting through himself! So there really was a Suicide on the Suicide Squad…although I read it as he just wounded himself…and I read it like 4 hours ago…Anyhoo…moving right along to the start of Vol. 3 and we’re having a military funeral for Deady because well once a Marine, always a Marine, even a high-priced Assassin one.

Who should crash the funeral? Why Harley’s long lost boyfriend, Mr. Nicholas Face-Off Cage himself, the Heath Ledger!

He’s not so happy that Harley and Floyd (Deadshot) were getting their Missy Elliot, so they sorta break up in a violent manner, he leaves her chained up in a room full of skeletons…

Flash forward, and Waller is letting Boomerang go for his fine work with Basilisk, when Harley stumbles to the gates of Belle Reve, having escaped Mista J!

Then, who should pop up from the hospital bed, but? (If you said Deadshot, you win a prize. If you said Deadpool, you’re in the wrong company, and also, you’re probably too funny for this GRITTY REBOOT!)

So Deadshot has now returned from the dead, and Harley is healed from her issues…plus, we also have YoYo returned from his time in the King Shark Guts…however, some of them are still not recovered from their Basilisk battle…

So there’s a new mission, Deadshot and Harley are sent on, because of course, they’re the stars of this book. Who should join them? Yo-yo, a recovered King Shark and…Voltaic! (Wait, you ask, who the fuck is that? Why silly reader, that’s one of the members of the Squad from Volume 1 who Deadshot…Shot…Dead…in the Head…with Lead (bullets).) Ya, didn’t really care there, but OK, so they’re all now death proof or some shit, because the smarties finally realize that wait, they should all be dead by now…oh well, it’s time to go on a mission so we’ll just forget all of that stuff…

SIDEBAR! (Judge Ito: So ummm if they cannot be killed, why is this Waller able to bully them into doing her bidding by saying she’ll blow up the Nano-Bombs in their necks? If that’s the case, shouldn’t they just call her bluff? Besides, don’t they know the sequels always fail if they get rid of too many main characters at once?)

Anyhowzers…this time, we’re after a very evil one…Red ORCHID! Who is? Fucked if I know…well turns out, she’s Yo-Yo’s sister (cue up unnecessary flashback number 62 of this series). Yup.

Cue up some ripoff scenes from Kill Bill (room full of ninjas and shoguns and all this stuff of Asian martial arts culture in suits, I was waiting for Lucy Liu, but instead I got Asian Schoolgirls with Morningstars…yup VERY original!)

Voltaic gets stabbed through the heart with a Samurai sword, and doesn’t even flinch, so I’m assuming he’s a zombie or some shit, because he hasn’t said a word since his resurrection, so I’m guessing they’re going to tell us that they unlocked the secret of Resurrection Man (who’s hand they captured last volume…well, cut off and stole I should say…) and that’s why no one dies? I think that might make TOO much sense though, so shame on me…

Anyhoo. Red Orchid appears, alongside whomelse? Why, it’s Regulus! Who’s also not dead (and was just shot-dead by dead-shot…but is not.) how wonderful.
Yoyo’s internal monologue turns on and he becomes all Carpe Diem and heroic, as he leads the troops…
Then we see that Waller has sent them to retrieve a prisoner! Why, it’s KURT LANCE!!!!

(Ummm? Who? Well kiddos, he’s actually Dinah Lance’s husband, who she’s on the run from everyone for apparently murdering!!! – Turns out he too was part of Team 7 with Waller and Regulus (also I think Deathstroke was part of that team)) Ugh for fuck’s sake this is just retarded at this point.

The only reason I give this 2 stars is because of the bitchy joke that gets told: Yoyo tries to rally the troops, and cries out “SUICIDE SQUAD! ASSEMBLE!” to which Deadshot replies “That sounds ridiculous…who says that?” And I was like Oh no you di-int! And he was all, Hells ya I di-id! OOOOH Gurl!

Ya.
Well apparently, Regulus takes Kurt Lance and flees, and this is enough to make the hard as nails Waller run into combat!

At this point, Red Orchid has won and is about to kill everyone Poison Ivy style, but Yo yo wraps his head around hers, and gets Deadshot to shoot him in the neck (where his nano bomb of course, explodes heartily!). Hero! Yo yo goes out with a bang, but I feel like I’m going to see him in Volume 4 again…I just have a feeling…

The explosion leaves everyone dead..or so Deadshot thinks, until he’s saved by Waller, who’s somehow moved from her home base in Belle Reve, LOUISIANA to GOTHAM CITY in time to save them.

Then cue up the WORST dialogue ever…we’re talking Scott Lobdell, Ann Nocenti and Dan Jurgens rolled into one:

Waller to Deadshot: “Last I checked, I didn’t give you PERMISSION to die!”
Deadshot: “Amanda Waller, I never thought I’d be HAPPY to see you!”
Waller: “Don’t worry Deadshot, that’ll change QUICKLY…”

Shakespearean.

They all escape, and then Waller tells them they’re on a new mission, Deadshot says NO! Not until you tell me what’s going on! She reminds him of the Nanobomb! He calls her bluff! (For about the 5 trillionth time! No one is going to believe you any more if you don’t follow through Mandy.)

Then Waller…TURNS OFF ALL THEIR BOMBS!
Tells them this is personal, that she used to be on a team like them, Team 7…Kurt Lance is her FRIEND! And she’s going after him NO MATTER WHAT!

But why turn off our bombs?
Because I NEED YOU. And I will remember this if you help me.

And yet, no one shoots her dead right there, even though all of them could escape and be gone.

Then she makes all small talky with Harley, who starts to have a problem with Harleen in her brain and the 2 are fighting for control….

They’re attacked…by the Swamp Thing ripoffs that Regulus mentioned in passing last volume…

Waller is out! Deadshot says the only smart thing in recent memory, that OK, she’s not dead, they saved her, now let’s all fuck right off.

King Shark and Harley then tell him that he gave his word, and his word is his bond…Really??? REALLY? HE’s A FUCKING ASSASSIN! A PATALOGICAL LIAR! HE ALREADY DIED A BUNCH OF TIMES! HIS WORD IS NOTHING!

He’s about to leave anyhow when…”THE Unknown Soldier!” appears and tells him he better keep his word, because even scum like Deadshot should do that…

(And when he introduces himself, his words look like a logo!)

Uknowny (Imma call him dat) then says that he’s super fast and jacked and stronger than all of them and they’re gonna do what Waller wanted…Deadshot calls bullshit…

AND SHOCKINGLY!!!! UKNOWY SHOOTS DEADSHOT DEAD! WITH HIS OWN GUN! AGAIN! JUST LIKE THE END OF THE VERY LAST VOLUME! OH MY GOD! HOW ORIGINAL! I NEVER EVER EVER SAW THAT COMING! YOU JUST REDID THE SAME THING AGAIN! THAT IS SOOO EDGY!…for 1992.

Oh and they all look on with shock as Unknowy proclaims himself the new “Team Leader” of the Suicide Squad.

Tune in NEXT volume, when I predict that Deadshot…will be shot. dead. with his own gun. at the end of Volume 4!

I actually found this comically bad.

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Review: Suicide Squad Vol. 2 – Basilisk Rising, by Adam Glass (Half Empty)

Suicide Squad, Vol. 2: Basilisk Rising by Adam Glass
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

OK, this was my first read for our “EVIL” Week Shallow Buddyread.

Suicide Squad has always seemed like something I ‘d want to read, a Dirty Dozen comic book with baddies who might actually be anti-heroes…

Sadly, this New 52 version is just a bunch of c-listers running around with Deadshot and Harley. Yes, they’re both back, even though it seemed like they both died last volume…or so I recall..

Harley is a bit stable here because somehow the trauma of Mista J’s face-off made Dr. Quinzel’s personality take the lead…not that it changes much because it seems like Harleen is just a slightly less unbalanced version of Harley.

Deadshot is his usual I trust no one guy, and that probably makes him the smartest one here…which ain’t saying much. Thankfully there’s not any of that poor little sick girl stuff that made Anne vomit from Vol. 1.

We also get more of King Shark, El Diablo, Black Spider, and Light. Oh joy. I’m pretty sure that Deadshot kills light because she is going to kill Waller, and he wants the pleasure for himself…

They spend the first half the book running after The Resurrection Man, Mitch Shelley…I read the old RM books from the early 90s, but not the recent New 52 version…seems not much is different, he’s still got the strange girl assassins after him, and they come up against SS to see who takes him…people manipulate, we get the usual pissing contest between covert government agencies, and in the end, he escapes. Or so we’re lead to think.

Then they get after Basilisk, the Hydra-ripoff agency of evil, like SPECTRE or whatnot. Some D-lister blows up the plane they’re on, and they mostly die, except our main characters, who arrive on a desert island…which just happens to be populated with cannibals…they’re saved…by Basilisk…led by Capt. Boomerang!!! Who, if you recall, was in the SS and died in volume 1 for being a traitor…oh…
And he works for the head of Basilisk, who’s named Regulus or some shit? Sounds like Romulus…the mysterious Wolverine comics figure…anyhow, turns out that Black Spider is the SS traitor for Basilisk, but then it turns out that Boomerang was actually planted in Basilisk by Waller to double agent spy…Deadshot kills Black Spider, but it’s only his clone…or something…

Anyhow, a bunch of people die.

Then we get some stupid backstory about Waller before SS and as a field op, where she goes against Regulus, but we get a hint that they were on a team called Team 7 or some shit and worked together before that broke up…then he releases some sort of bomb (much like the Terragen Mist bomb in Inhumanity that Black Bolt released) which makes people into Metahumans, or kills them…
this is what leads Waller to want to form the Suicide Squad.

Follow me at all? No? Good.

Everyone turns on everyone, and mostly everyone is a double agent, or sleeper agent, except Deadshot and Harley (surprisingly, the only ones who aren’t C-D or F-list villains/nobodies…oh and on top of that…the Yoyo, team member who was eaten by King Shark in Vol 1? Ya he didn’t die, just sat in the shark’s intestines for a month, until getting out…wants to kill Waller, who says that she just helped him unlock more powers…

Oh and in case you forgot? Every 3rd page, we are reminded that all the SS members have nano-bombs in their necks to be killed if they don’t follow the script.

So that’s this one…until next one, where everyone will be a triple agent…ya.

Like Sam well said, this is a 90s action movie with a D-lister directed by the equivalent…Lorenzo Lamas in Cinemax’s Suicide Squad, directed by the shambling corpse of Ed Wood.

SOOO Bad, it’s nearly good. I am mildly interested in Deadshot, and I like Harley (boobies!) that and the library sent me all the volumes at once, and it’s EVIL WEEK! So I will keep reading this, taking 3 for the team, who I’m sure I’ll double cross 4 times and die twice before the end of this…

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Review: Satellite Sam, Vol. 1; by Matt (overworked and undersexed) Fraction & Howard (I remember the days of black and white so I don’t use colour) Chaykin

Satellite Sam, Volume 1 by Matt Fraction
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Ugh. Seriously, I see what Image did…they showed you the flashy stuff (Saga, Walking Dead, Sex Criminals) the big writers (Fraction, BKV, Aaron) and they got you to pay for that, while also unloading on you a ton of mediocre stuff and some downright turds. But…I’ll still buy the next Humble Bundle, just for the value alone of the great stuff. I’m willing to suffer the shit to get to the gooey nougat centre.

Between successful/popular Matt Fraction writing, and old dog/well-known/respected Howard Chaykin doing the art, you figure Satellite Sam would be a winner.

Well, you’d be wrong.

I’m also starting to think that Matt Fraction is becoming a little obsessed with sex in comics. Sex Criminals had humour and a balance of lightness and more serious stuff, a mixture that goes down easy. This is just the seedy sex of the depraved behind closed doors 1950s.

I never watched Mad Men, but this seems like Mad Men the comic, in a TV producing environment instead of an Ad Agency.

I also have to admit a secret…while I respect Howard Chaykin, and can tolerate his stuff, I don’t really LOVE his style of art. In black and white, it’s hard to tell some of his characters apart, and frankly, between that and the storyline, I didn’t make much effort to.

Satellite Sam is a TV show, and the star is found dead in a flophouse with tons of dildos and lingerie all over the floor. His son discovers that he’s also got boxes and boxes of photos he’s taken of all the floozies he’s fucked over the years…including the Female Co-Star of the show (who’s a born again Christian!). SCANDAL!

But this book goes for titilation over substance, and fails. Yes there’s a kind of lurid, dirty appeal to the forbidden sex acts that we all now take mostly for granted (I mean most people are going to see 50 Shades of Grey for Valentine’s Day FFS), but at the same time, it’s kind of tired.

I don’t really care much for the head of the studio trying to expand his network, or his appeals to the FCC to get a bigger audience share, or the technology of early TV. It is interesting material for a proper history/biography book for sure, but it falls nearly as flat as the Superhero Union Contract Negotiations of COWL.

The son, Michael is a raging alcoholic, yet somehow, the murder of his father seems to spur him on to discover who he really was (other than a raging horndog). There’s lots of sex here, but no connections, just the equivalent of sad handjobs from homeless hookers. (Lono’s fave!)

No one is happy, everyone has vices, and there’s always positioning for power. Yawn. It’s obvious Fraction finds the early age of TV fascinating, and in this digital edition, we also get a conversation between Fraction and Chaykin about the 50s and early TV, which is more interesting that the whole of the first Volume.

Sex, booze, broads, TV, lies, scandal, coverups, somehow this all just falls pretty flat for me as a reader. I’m not really emotionally connecting to any character, they all seem pretty useless. Then as a reason to continue the series, or prolong it at least, they throw in the angle that it wasn’t a random crime of passion, but a murder that killed Michael’s father….DAA DUHHH DAAHHH!

I’m sorry, I would have liked to enjoy this, but it just feels like it’s pandering to a teenage audience who hasn’t figured out how to use PornHub yet. This would have totally worked on me at 14, for sure, but now it just comes across as cheap and makes you feel like taking a shower.

I think that might even be the aim, so ya, we get it, the 50s were just as depraved as today, but people felt the shame of keeping things under wraps and to themselves. I guess it’s up to you to decide if that’s better than nude celebrity selfies going viral or not.

I’ll be missing the rest of this on purpose, and I think maybe if Matt Fraction is so interested, he a Howard should just have a nice long sit down chat, and put out a podcast or something…

Sadly disappointing, again, like a sad handjob…2 in 2 days…not a good start to the week…at this rate I’ll have to start reading FF.

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Review: Minimum Wage Vol. 1 – Focus on the Strange, by some New Yorker who thinks being a loser is cool.

Minimum Wage Volume 1: Focus on the Strange by Bob Fingerman
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

***I will keep doing INDY WEEK stuff, as I don’t have any FF on hand, and the library I’ve read all of them***

A Whiny main character who’s moved back in with his mother after his split/impending divorce from his wife.

A 25 year old protagonist who’s friends are all fucking morons who think having sex or a regular girl will solve all the problems.

Emo before emo, as in woe is me I’m so down and sad but that’s art man.

Rather offensive homophobia runs rampant in this book as well, numerous times characters make fun of male friendships being “homo” or whatnot. Being very sure to avoid anything which might make someone else think you’re gay, being REALLY worried about complete strangers and their opinions.

Oh and of course, the casual racism. Cab drivers wear turbans; all Jewish girls are actually sluts who love Bacon; and so on.

Oh and there’s a lot of sex.

So if you’re 15, this might appeal to you. But if you’ve ever actually touched a boobie? I think you might be beyond this.

All the women are portrayed as weirdos and in a negative light, and even though the main character has sexual relationships with 3 different women over the course of a few months, they all seem to be the ones who are made to look like the strange ones, but he, the loser who needs to move out of mom’s place, isn’t?

I just don’t want to read about schlubs. No schmucks, no losers, no pre-definition hipsters, or neurotic obsessives. All his friends are mostly dicks, and his best friend is more interested in getting laid by a former TV star than anything.

This just screams early 90s, when it might have passed for edgy or artsy; here it just seems lame and one-dimensional.

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Review: God Hates Astronauts, Vol. 1 by some dude who shouldn’t have bothered.

God Hates Astronauts, Vol. 1 by Ryan Browne
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Wow.

Ever watch a movie that’s SOOO bad, you keep watching because you figure it can’t get any worse? And then it does? But you cannot turn the TV off?

This isn’t one of those so-bad-it’s-good books, this is the it’s so bad I feel like I’ve just had a stroke and followed it up with blunt force trauma to the cranium.

Fuck.

Don’t be curious to read this because it’s the worst thing ever made, it’s not a cult thing, and if it is, that cult is full of morons.

I have a VERY juvenile sense of humour; I like poop jokes, slapstick, and terrible puns…but this, this is just so fucking bad.

The creator did this as a 24 page in 24 hours challenge to himself in his early 20s…and funny enough, never got around to it again until many years later…in the meanwhile, he didn’t grow up any, and didn’t develop any style or taste.

He also spends 3 pages explaining EVERY SINGLE REFERENCE TO POP CULTURE HE MADE IN THE BOOK.

Ye Gods this fellow thinks he’s the shit. But he’s just shit.

You’re NOT clever, you’re NOT edgy, or ironically bad, or hip because you don’t care that it’s terrible.

Whoever told you they loved what you were doing and encouraged you should be slapped.

I mean yes, you created something, sure good for you, you’ve got that over me; but just because you CAN do something, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

Oh and you need to go back on Kickstarter and give out refunds.

Fuck. Why did I keep reading this? This is so bad I almost take it personally.

The only “funny” joke was stolen from Family Guy, with no credit given at all. How did no one see that? I mean he gives credit to tons of Simpsons jokes and other bits, but sheesh…

Holy Shit, where’s the Tylenol?

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Review: Dexter Down Under, by Jeff (not familiar with the concept of research) Lindsay

Dexter Down Under by Jeff Lindsay
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Do you like Dexter? Then don’t read this.

Do you know ANYTHING about Australia? Then don’t read this.

Are you Australian? PLEASE don’t read this.

Do you have a brain? Well you can probably guess what follows…

I like Fosters, Koala bears are nifty MATE! Lets blow digeridoos at Ayers Rock after we be racists!

Apparently all Australia is is drunks and racists…who talk funny and drive weird…

Jeff Lindsay, that was the laziest attempt at cashing in on your famous character yet…also WAYY creepy incest tones…

Oh, and are you familiar with Wikipedia Jeff? Try learning more than 3 stereotypes about a place before you write about it.

Oh and, if there’s a murder in Australia, and you want a blood spatter expert from Miami to fly in, the crime scene isn’t STILL GOING TO HAVE BODIES THERE WHEN HE ARRIVES!!! THE FLIGHT IS LIKE 20 HOURS!

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