Secret Origins Vol.2 by Brian Azzarello

Secret Origins Vol. 2 (The New 52)Secret Origins Vol. 2 by Brian Azzarello
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

It took me several days to read this tombstone. I am just going to do one line impressions of each story, ’cause I’ve had a long day and this is not worth it.

Chapter 1: In which the Stone family is introduced through some lame dialogue and DC screws up their own timeline while Victor deals with anger management issues.

Chapter 2: In which Bruce Wayne has a George Clooney chin but not the vinyl suit and Jason goes for ninja training to deal with anger management issues.
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Review: Justice League, Vol. 6: Injustice League by Geoff Johns, Ivan Reis (Illustrations), Joe Prado (Illustrations)

Justice League, Vol. 6: Injustice LeagueJustice League, Vol. 6: Injustice League by Geoff Johns

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

4.5 stars


Fuck it.
Not everyone is going to agree with me, but I just loved this!
I’m sure I’m going to look back and find plot holes, or inconsistencies in the ways characters acted during the story. But my initial impression is that I had a great time reading this sucker. I can tell, because I have a giant grin plastered on my face right now. And to me, the most important thing in a comic book is that it makes me smile.


Ok. So, let me just hit a few of the plot points for Injustice League. I’m going to try my best not to give major spoilers, but I’ve seen people bitch about the weirdest stuff. So if you are one of those weird people? Now is a good time to turn back.
You will be missed. Goodbye!


You wanna know what I really loved the most?
Well, I’m going to tell you anyway.
A lot of the complaints about DC center around their lack of levity. It’s like everything seems to be set in Gotham these days. Or at least, that’s the feel of a lot of DC’s stuff these past few years.
No jokes, people! Comics are not a laughing matter!
Except, they are. Especially superhero comics. It’s what turned me on to them to start with. You know what making fun of yourself, when you realize you’re more than a little ridiculous, is called?
A sense of humor.
And Justice League has one this time around!
I’m not saying that volume 6 is a laugh-a-minute, but Johns managed to squeeze in some pretty decent one-liners throughout the story.


Shazam…well, Captain Marvel, but who the hell knows he’s called Captain Marvel, amirite? You say Captain Marvel to anyone, and their mind immediately goes to this:


Where was I?
Oh, yes. Shazam!
So Billy Batson gets to play a role in this one, thanks to Lex Luthor giving him an invite to the New Watchtower. He’s a kid in a grown-up body, but instead of making him angsty, Johns played it up for comedic effect. Were they all winners? No. But I give him an A for effort.


By the way, I take back everything I said about Johns hating Wonder Woman in Justice League, Vol. 1: Origin .
She. Is. Badass!


My only complaint is that I didn’t feel like this one had very much of my favorite guy, Aquaman, in it. He was there, but I don’t think he even spoke. Or if he did, I certainly can’t remember what he said.
Come on, he’s so cool! Give the guy some lines!


Flash got to play more of a role than usual, and I thought he was showcased pretty well. Sure, his connection to the Speed Force is a big plus, but that isn’t what makes him such a great character.
It’s his humor & heart that make him great.
And, in this title at least, he’s done right.
He uses his super speed to go get ice cream cones for little kids who were in the middle of the Justice League’s battle zone. He makes fun of Batman when he’s too serious. And he’s the guy who’s entrusted with the care of an emotionally damaged woman, who was taken over by the Crime Syndicate’s Power Ring. Cuz he’s sweet. And good with the loonies.


If the writers of the Flash title would stop fucking with the Speed Force & tossing him through time, they could come up with a pretty incredible comic book for this guy. He’s like Superman in that way. Once you forget the core of what makes him awesome, and just focus on the powers?
It turns into the shittiest reading experience ever.


WhereTheFuck do you find an awesome cat like that?!
Mine just poops in the box, then hisses at me till I clean her shit up. Whoever said rescue animals were grateful, hasn’t met Selina.
Look at her…plotting against me. Waiting to dirty up her litter box.


Off track again…
Oh! Ok. I was wrong, the lack of Aquaman wasn’t my only complaint.
Cyborg. Poor, poor Cyborg!
Does anyone else notice that every fucking time he uses his super-special computer brain to hack into something, he ends up getting totally fried?!
They need to stop him the next time he says he’s going to hijack an evil entity’s circuits, intervention style!
Look, Victor, we know you want to help. But, apparently, your programming isn’t All That, buddy. We love you, and just want the best for you. Now…go back to the Watchtower and monitor the shit out of that place.
He could come through a story without having to go get completely rebuilt & rewired by his dad. Just a suggestion, DC. Just a suggestion…


You already know from the cover that Lex Luthor becomes a member of the Justice League in this. Unless you’re stupid. And if you are, then you should have heeded my warning at the beginning of this review. So, shut your freak mouth, and sit back down.


Now how he manages to blackmail worm his way on to the team is a whole different mess of spoilers. And I’m not going into it. However, I will say that I thought it was pretty cool. I mean, why would they ever let him on the team? Well, I thought this gave a convincing reason.
Plus, none of them trust him, so it made for some fun reading.


Guess who makes an appearance?!
The Doom Patrol!
Yeah, I didn’t really know who they were, either.
But that’s ok! I’m willing to learn. And it looks like they may play a bigger role in some future stories. I’m kind of intrigued to see what’s in store for this team. I’m also hoping they get more mileage out of these guys than they did when they tried to revive the Metal Men.


Anyway, this was total movie popcorn. If you’re looking for a comic with all of the Meaning Of Life shit, go somewhere else. Justice League is just good fun with capes and tights. Those of you who have loved the previous volumes, will probably enjoy this one as much as I did.

Thank you to NetGalley & DC for a digital copy to review.

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Review: Justice League, vol 1; Origin by Geoff Johns

Justice League, Vol. 1: OriginJustice League, Vol. 1: Origin by Geoff Johns

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Ahhhhhh, it was soooo good!
Well, except.
But I’ll get to that later. For right now, let’s just focus on the good. And there was plenty of good.
Most of the characters seem like an improved-on version of themselves.
Superman was probably the best in that regard. Finally you see what he should have been like all along. Very cool.

Batman was super-cool. Then again, he always was. I think you have to actively try in order to turn him into a douche.
Example: All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder, Vol. 1
*It can be done, folks. It just takes a special person to do it.*

Aquaman was the biggest surprise for me. Wow! I wanna read more about that guy! He popped outta the water and just stole the show from there on out. Seriously. Couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

Hal Jordan was not what I was expecting, but his interactions with Bruce provided quite a bit of comic relief.

The Flash. He was…The Flash.
He’s never been my favorite, and I doubt that’s going to change any time soon. Still, he wasn’t annoying. I can live with it.

Cyborg? How awesome is it that they stuck Cyborg in there?
Let me tell you.
. I wouldn’t have thought it would have worked, but it did.

Ok. So you put all these guys together, add some great dialogue by Johns, and some incredible artwork by Lee…
Ta-da! Perfection! 5 stars!

Oh. Wait. I’m forgetting someone, aren’t I?
Ah, yes. Wonder Woman.
And here comes the above mentioned Except.

She was so stupid that I wanted to cry. Cry! As in, big fat tears rolling down my face. What the hell were they thinking?! Not only is she still clad in The World’s Most Recognizable One-Piece, but she also evidently has the mental capacity of a child!

Hm. Ice cream is wonderful.
Steve! Have you ever had ice cream? You must try it. This cook is truly blessed.
Steve, this place, you home is filled with so many wonderful things. Ice cream and rock and roll and…many wonderful things.


Greetings warriors. I followed these things from your capital city. I saw you and saw you needed help.

Ok. Maybe that last one wouldn’t have sounded so bad, but everyone else was so…not using stilted dialogue.

Sooooo. Yeah. Wonder Woman is retarded.
I don’t get it. Maybe Geoff Johns had his heart broken by a chick who liked to dress up like the Amazon princess?
Sure, I’m reaching here, but why else would he hate her so much? And he must. There is no way he accidentally made her sound so…Gah!

Jim Lee did a great job making her look incredible (while she spouted nonsense), but in the end…
I knocked a star off for making the only girl look like an idiot.
Boo! Shame on you, Johns!

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Review: Justice League Vol. 5 – Forever Heroes by Papa Johns.

Justice League, Vol. 5: Forever HeroesJustice League, Vol. 5: Forever Heroes by Geoff Johns
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

MUCH better than Trinity War…which is like saying a stomachache is better than diarrhea…they both stink.

So apparently Vol 5 does NOT follow Vol 4…I have to read Forever Evil first I suppose? To see how the Crime Syndicate defeated the JL.

Fun parts: Black Adam’s throwdown with Ultraman (too bad it only got a few pages, the art was stunning.) I would have liked to continue that.

Owlman’s backstory

The Doom Patrol’s cameo in New 52

The Metal Men

Cyborg becoming more of a stealth fighter jet than a B52 Bomber

Bad parts: Most of the good parts were stolen from Grant Morrison (C.S. to some degree, and Doom Patrol as well.)

Every Crime Syndicater other than Owl’s backstory.

Bad-Alfred looking like the Joker (pale skin and purple-y suit)

It’s called Justice League, yet it only features Cyborg. I’m surprised this didn’t run off into a Cyborg Title…has he ever had one?

So you gets your ups and your downs. I think I put it right on 3…it’s better than 2.5, so it’s just above average. That and it was a marked improvement from Trinity bullshit.

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Review: Justice League, Vol. 5: Forever Heroes by Geoff Johns

Justice League, Vol. 5: Forever HeroesJustice League, Vol. 5: Forever Heroes by Geoff Johns

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I was hoping this would give me some insight into what was happening to the Justice League, you know, while they were trapped inside the Firestorm Matrix, but that’s not what this volume is about.
But it is a cool peek at the backstories of the members of the Crime Syndicate.
You know, one of these days, I ‘m going to finally learn to read the blurb.

The Grid was looking for a way to feel something, so he started pawing through the files on all of his new team members.
In case you don’t remember, the Grid is Cyborg’s now self-aware tech, that separated itself from him in volume 4.
Through this, we learn where these guys came from, and how their bizarro-like existence shaped them into the opposites of our own Justice League.
Some of the stories were admittedly more interesting than others. And some of them, like Superwoman and the ‘man in the hood’, were missing altogether.
Owlman had (in my opinion) the most original and emotionally complicated story, and it was well worth reading. Ultraman, while still interesting, had your basic Opposite-of-Superman origin story. Power Ring (Hal Jordan’s counterpart), was only slightly worth it.
His superpower seemed to be that he was unbelievably whiny and annoying.
Which made it hard to believe that the Crime Syndicate tolerated him, much less let him live.
Hell, I wanted to kill him, and I’m not a super-villain.
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