Secret Origins Vol.2 by Brian Azzarello

Secret Origins Vol. 2 by Brian Azzarello
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

It took me several days to read this tombstone. I am just going to do one line impressions of each story, ’cause I’ve had a long day and this is not worth it.

Chapter 1: In which the Stone family is introduced through some lame dialogue and DC screws up their own timeline while Victor deals with anger management issues.

Chapter 2: In which Bruce Wayne has a George Clooney chin but not the vinyl suit and Jason goes for ninja training to deal with anger management issues.

Review: Justice League United, Vol. 1: Justice League Canada by Jeff Lemire

Justice League United, Vol. 1: Justice League Canada by Jeff Lemire

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

First off, I love my Canuck comic book buddies.
There are a lot of you, and thankfully you each seem to have an excellent sense of humor.
Especially when it comes to how poorly you guys get treated on the panels!

I was actually hoping that this would be your big BREAKOUT (and breakaway from Alpha Flight), but so far…not so much.
The good news is, JLU isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever read!
And there are is one spectacular moment in this that (honest to God) made the whole thing worth reading for me.

*WARNING: There are all kinds of spoilers below!*
Seriously. You’ve been warned. No bitching…

All of this takes place after the whole Forever Evil stuff in JLA Survivors of Evil , and now the team of B-Listers formerly known as the Justice League of America is sort of in limbo.
The only one anyone cares about real powerhouse is Martian Manhunter, but Animal Man, Stargirl, and Green Arrow are all still bopping around in the background.
Hey! What happened to Hawkman?!
I’m just assuming you asked that.
Well, now. Don’t you worry…he shows up. *insert evil cackling here*
PS – I’m fucking serious about that spoiler warning.

Get ready, because the big news is that Adam Strange and his girlfriend fiancee wife, Alanna, join the team in this one!
Yeah! Whoo-Hoo! Yeah! Yeah!

Oh. You’re not as excited as I thought you’d be.*cough* Well, that’s ok. That’s ok.
Equinox is also another new member! And when I say new, I mean it.
She’s a Native American…or is she a Native Canadian?
No, I think she’s still a Native American, because…it’s the continent not the country. Right? Am I right? I don’t want to take anything away from my Maple-SyrupLeafed friends, but I’m pretty sure it’s still Native American.
You know what…doesn’t matter.
Anyway, back to Equinox!

She’s actually pretty cool, and I’m hoping they keep this character around after they cancel this title! And it will get cancelled.
She get her powers from ‘seven elders’, and each one basically represents something good…I just can’t remember exactly what ‘good stuff’ right now.
All she has to do is say her magic word, and she controls the powers of the elements. But (I think) she can only access the element that she’s currently around.
Like, if it’s snowing she has the power of…snow.

Moving on!
There was a lot of bickering between Animal Man and Green Arrow, with each picking on the other for being The Lamest Superhero.
I liked this, because it was an attempt on Lemire’s part to address what everyone is already thinking about these guys.
Some of their interactions were funny, and some of them felt forced and hokey, but at least he tried.

Alright, alright! If you’re still reading this, it’s because you probably want to know what the hell I was talking about in the beginning that made this entire volume worthwhile.
*Ahem*
Drum roll, please…

He’s dead.

Says Supergirl…all sad n’ stuff.
Bwahahahaha! Hahahahahahaha! Ha! Hahaha! Hahahaha!
I can’t *wheeze* I can’t stop…I can’t stop laughing!
OhGod!IPeedMyself! They killed that hairy-shouldered fucker!
I should give this shit 5 stars just for this one panel alone!

Yeah, yeah. I’m sure that fucking Nth Metal will heal him.
But for one brief moment the sun shone down on me, angels sang, and little woodland creatures gently nuzzled my face…

Highly recommended if you want see Hawkman bite it!

I received a digital arc from NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

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Review: Animal Man Vol. 3 Rotworld; The Red Kingdom – by Jeff Lemire (and Scott Snyder to a lesser extent)

Animal Man, Vol. 3: Rotworld: The Red Kingdom by Jeff Lemire
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

***Green Theme Buddy Read with the Shallows…The Green is more Swampy’s territory, but it’s part of the trifecta with the Red and the Rot, and they’re all here…so ya. Plus Swamp Thing.***

Well…that was…terrible. Dark and depressing, I won’t be surprised if Buddy Baker becomes a raging alcoholic pill popper. Rot world was a crossover on the Dark-horror edge of the DCU spectrum….Animal Man, Swamp Thing, Constantine, Black Orchid, and so forth. There’s also lots of heroes who appear and get turned into zombies by the Rot…Buddy should have learned the best way to predict the future of your wife is to look at her mother…and they are both enormo-cunts. Like somehow it’s his fault that their daughter has powers? ThE real problem is that they spend more time chewing him out than listening to him or curing that crime against follicles that is Cliff…

The talking cat makes me think of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

Swampy is more interesting because his life partner isn’t a fucking cunt. Also, when did she start looking like a librarian? I think they ugged her up on purpose. The art is also terrible. By the end everyone is just a mess of lines and smudges and blechy colours. Not pleasant to look at, way too many thought and speech bubbles and internal monologues.

Oh and to top it all off, even in a book he doesn’t appear in, Batman saves the world and the day. Yup. Also, the Justice League manage to be useless twats as well. I did enjoy Frankenstein showing up…I like a lot that New 52 has a mandate for Frank to be in 33% of everything.

This was also just dumb. I think I went onto autopilot about halfway through the book.

I won’t be rushing to volume 4.

Disappointing for sure. I also hate super kids. What do u think is going to happen if you have kids with a superhero dude? Idiots. Also, who brings there mother in law on a road trip and doesn’t leave her in Wichita? Dummy.

Just not worth it. Lots of DCU grit. But not at all pleasant. No point other than depressing me. Yay.

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