Review: Sex Criminals, Vol. 1: One Weird Trick by Matt Fraction (Writer), Chip Zdarsky (Artist)

Sex Criminals, Vol. 1: One Weird TrickSex Criminals, Vol. 1: One Weird Trick by Matt Fraction

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This was…different.
It starts out like this coming-of-age story about the first time Suzie cleaned her fur coat.
But.
Unlike the rest of us, she didn’t just twitch and sigh.
Time stopped.
Of course, she assumes that’s what happens to everyone when they rub one out, and spends a good portion of her adolescence trying to figure out how to delicately ask someone else how the whole clam digging/time stopping thing works.
Awkward.

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By the time little Suzie grows up, she’s finally figured out that this isn’t what normally happens when you scrape the cheese off the taco. So, she’s just sort of floating along…living life, flicking her bean, stopping time, and working in a library.
And then she meets Jon.

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OMG! When Jon unclogs the drain, he has the same power as Suzie!

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Which, obviously, leads to a deep and meaningful relationship. I mean, that is a pretty special talent those two crazy kids have, and it’s not like they can share their feelings and experiences with most of the people they run into, right?

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So, what do you do when you’re young, in love, and have the ability to stop the world every time you polish your wedding ring?
Rob a bank! Duh.
And how well does that turn out for them, you ask?
Not as well as you might think, since there are apparently a group of people who police this sort of behavior among their kind. I know! Whodathunkit?!
Anyway, they call themselves…The Sex Police.
There are puns a-plenty in this sucker.

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But there’s more to Suzie & Jon’s story than just a little B&E.
Now, I’m not going to spill the whole story, but I’ll give you a taste…

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*crickets chirping*
Anyhoo. If you’d like to learn more about why Jon is taking a dump in his boss’ office plant, then you should definitely pick this one up.

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Review: Satellite Sam, Vol. 1; by Matt (overworked and undersexed) Fraction & Howard (I remember the days of black and white so I don’t use colour) Chaykin

Satellite Sam, Volume 1Satellite Sam, Volume 1 by Matt Fraction
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

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Ugh. Seriously, I see what Image did…they showed you the flashy stuff (Saga, Walking Dead, Sex Criminals) the big writers (Fraction, BKV, Aaron) and they got you to pay for that, while also unloading on you a ton of mediocre stuff and some downright turds. But…I’ll still buy the next Humble Bundle, just for the value alone of the great stuff. I’m willing to suffer the shit to get to the gooey nougat centre.

Between successful/popular Matt Fraction writing, and old dog/well-known/respected Howard Chaykin doing the art, you figure Satellite Sam would be a winner.

Well, you’d be wrong.

I’m also starting to think that Matt Fraction is becoming a little obsessed with sex in comics. Sex Criminals had humour and a balance of lightness and more serious stuff, a mixture that goes down easy. This is just the seedy sex of the depraved behind closed doors 1950s.

I never watched Mad Men, but this seems like Mad Men the comic, in a TV producing environment instead of an Ad Agency.

I also have to admit a secret…while I respect Howard Chaykin, and can tolerate his stuff, I don’t really LOVE his style of art. In black and white, it’s hard to tell some of his characters apart, and frankly, between that and the storyline, I didn’t make much effort to.

Satellite Sam is a TV show, and the star is found dead in a flophouse with tons of dildos and lingerie all over the floor. His son discovers that he’s also got boxes and boxes of photos he’s taken of all the floozies he’s fucked over the years…including the Female Co-Star of the show (who’s a born again Christian!). SCANDAL!

But this book goes for titilation over substance, and fails. Yes there’s a kind of lurid, dirty appeal to the forbidden sex acts that we all now take mostly for granted (I mean most people are going to see 50 Shades of Grey for Valentine’s Day FFS), but at the same time, it’s kind of tired.

I don’t really care much for the head of the studio trying to expand his network, or his appeals to the FCC to get a bigger audience share, or the technology of early TV. It is interesting material for a proper history/biography book for sure, but it falls nearly as flat as the Superhero Union Contract Negotiations of COWL.

The son, Michael is a raging alcoholic, yet somehow, the murder of his father seems to spur him on to discover who he really was (other than a raging horndog). There’s lots of sex here, but no connections, just the equivalent of sad handjobs from homeless hookers. (Lono’s fave!)

No one is happy, everyone has vices, and there’s always positioning for power. Yawn. It’s obvious Fraction finds the early age of TV fascinating, and in this digital edition, we also get a conversation between Fraction and Chaykin about the 50s and early TV, which is more interesting that the whole of the first Volume.

Sex, booze, broads, TV, lies, scandal, coverups, somehow this all just falls pretty flat for me as a reader. I’m not really emotionally connecting to any character, they all seem pretty useless. Then as a reason to continue the series, or prolong it at least, they throw in the angle that it wasn’t a random crime of passion, but a murder that killed Michael’s father….DAA DUHHH DAAHHH!

I’m sorry, I would have liked to enjoy this, but it just feels like it’s pandering to a teenage audience who hasn’t figured out how to use PornHub yet. This would have totally worked on me at 14, for sure, but now it just comes across as cheap and makes you feel like taking a shower.

I think that might even be the aim, so ya, we get it, the 50s were just as depraved as today, but people felt the shame of keeping things under wraps and to themselves. I guess it’s up to you to decide if that’s better than nude celebrity selfies going viral or not.

I’ll be missing the rest of this on purpose, and I think maybe if Matt Fraction is so interested, he a Howard should just have a nice long sit down chat, and put out a podcast or something…

Sadly disappointing, again, like a sad handjob…2 in 2 days…not a good start to the week…at this rate I’ll have to start reading FF.


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