Review: Detective Comics Vol. 4 – The Wrath, by John Layman

Batman Detective Comics, Volume 4: The Wrath by John Layman
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I’d give this 3 and a 1/4 stars.

It’s called the Wrath, but that character isn’t really featured for most of the book. This is a very patchy collection of numerous stories.

There’s more about the Man-Bat, Kirk Langstrom, which is confusing, since Vol. 4 of The Dark Knight has a story arc about Abraham Langstrom (Kirk’s father) also Man-Bat! Hmm…turns out even Langstrom’s wife gets in on the act, as She-Man-Bat…though they don’t actually call her that.

Wrath is actually a super rich industrialist who comes back to Gotham and wants to change things for the better…Alfred makes some sly observations about this. Of course he wants to buy Wayne Enterprises, and Bruce doesn’t like him at all…in about 5 seconds, anyone with half a brain knows who he is…yup. It ain’t a spoiler unless you’re legally brain-dead. There’s a showdown, and Batman saves the day, but also lets the GCPD do things, and it repairs some of the bad feelings between the two (AWWW!!! Meh.)

There’s a story about Jane Doe, a psycho who has no skin, and can become anyone (sorta looks like a less weird Red Skull if she were a DC Girl) anyhoo, she’s killing tons of people and there’s a storyline with her and Harvey Bullock (nice to see Harvey finally getting used again!)

We see that Dick and Barbara are still not speaking to Bruce after the events of Death of the Family (though, having read it all, I’m still not entirely sure why…maybe someone would like to walk me through it? I have ideas, but…) though Batwoman shows up, but only to help the Langstroms try and stop all the Man-Bats who have been unleashed in the 900 Block by some bad serum (900 block story coincides with issue 900 of Detective Comics, or what would have been – clever eh?) given to everyone by Zsasz, who was given it by another uber baddy…the Emperor Penguin of Vol. 3…

It’s all to set something else up, and Batman has a showdown with him, which is actually a lot more taxing than the one with Wrath. I feel like Emperor Penguin got ripped off here, with the title going to Wrath…Not cool dude.
Batman gets help in the unlikeliest of places.

There’s a lot of Evil here, mostly from the uber baddies like Emperor Penguin and Wrath, and to some extent with Man-Bat, but he’s like the Curt Connors/Lizard of Gotham…trying to cure something with animals and fucking shit up along the way…sad storyline, but a bit confusing after how things end earlier in the book, and also no mention at all of his father’s actions as Man-Bat in TDK Vol. 4…hmmm…

Anyhoo, John Layman does the best he can, and there’s a bit more explanation of things that need it, and it is in no way bad, but it’s just very herky jerky, all over, and doesn’t flow much at all, it’s just a patchwork of interconnected Bat-Drama.

A decent read, but non-essential. Then there’s a story at the end about Bane, but not by Layman, and I barely read that…There’s also some very cool artwork by the 1000 artist who drew this volume…no joke, like 1000.

It’s good, and I’ll keep reading it, but Scott Snyder is on a whole other plain than everyone else in terms of Batman.

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Review: The Dark Knight Vol. 4 – Clay; by Gregg Hurwitz (end of series)

Batman: The Dark Knight, Vol. 4: Clay by Gregg Hurwitz
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book is choc-full of evil villains. (It’s BATMAN! Duh…)

So anyhow, The Dark Knight has been one of the 4 main Batman titles, (Batman, Detective Comics, Batman and Robin) yet it’s probably the least known one. It made the mistake of having Gregg Hurwitz not write the first volume, he just drew it. Once he took over, things got better. Most of the Dark Knight seems to focus on villains and their origins (Scarecrow, Mad Hatter, and this one…Clayface) and that’s a cool thing to do when Joker and Riddler (and Penguin to a lesser extent) dominate the rest of the Bat world.

I’m happy to see they’ve decided to go with the “original” Clayface, Basil Karlo, a very plain man who wanted to be an actor, but just didn’t have “it” to get noticed. Eventually he goes to Penguin to get help, and Penguin gives him some native thingy that turns his face to clay like malleability, so he can be a great facial actor. He in turn ends up doing things for Penguin, but things go wrong and he soon becomes all clay, but can become anyone he touches.

We see here that he’s taken as a very dangerous, almost invulnerable force. Arkham needs a special containment unit for him. We also see that he needs people to like him, as he stays calm in Arkham because his neighbour in the cells is a fan and they talk…only when he dies does Clayface go nuts. He takes it to another level, going after Penguin and taking him out, then seeks out the Joker to give him some Joker Gas/Serum. He then rampages thru town and takes people hostage to get an audience who he pumps full of Joker toxin so they laugh at his work non-stop.

What’s different here, is that Batman is written with just the slightest sense of humour…he and Alfred trade wits and barbs, and he even jokes around with Gordon (announces his arrival before he scares the shit out of Gordon in the dark.) The best part is when Clayface impersonates Gordon at the start of the book and kills a bunch of people…then later on, Gordon uses the Bat Signal, Batman appears and bitchslaps him…(sorry Jim, just had to make sure it was you)….HAHAHA effective but funny.

In addition, Batman actually listens to Alfred who tells him to get some help, and we get brief appearances of Black Canary and Condor (who? ya, no, this guy looks like a twat). Eventually Clayface is secured, and the sad chapter closes.

The next 2 books arc is called Voiceless, and is done entirely without dialogue. Alberto Ponticelli takes over the art here from Alex Maleev (who did a very good job with the Clayface arc, very dark muted tones and great use of browns). Alberto does different work, with good facial and body language artwork, but his is even more important in a wordless story.
The story is about a family of Mexicans, the mother works in a sweatshop, and when she accidentally breaks one of the angel figures she’s making, she is fired on the spot. She goes home and her young son is quite ill, she runs to the drugstore, which is closed, offers all her money to the pharmacist, who just drives off…you can figure out what happens next, since this is Batman…
They see advertisments for Gotham, and get into trucks to go there, but are separated. (Granny and young daughter in one, mom in the other) The Daughter and Granny are working in a Gotham sweatshop making Christmas ornaments, when Granny sees that granddaughter is alive, she decides to break out…but one of the captors sees her sneaking out a window, and well…that’s that.
Batman comes upon Granny’s body, and the art on this page is superb.

It gets down to the very essence of what Batman is all about, and even now, looking at it for like the 10th time in the last 18hrs, the raw emotions just hit me very hard.

Well, long story short, Batman kicks the everloving shit out of the sweatshop folks, who of course, report to the Penguin…he rescues mom, has her reunite with the daughter in the hospital (cue more tears, Anne, you better take a box of hankies) and then throws down furious vengeance. Because this is still Batman, we see the Penguin get out of jail due to his many lawyers. Wayne Enterprises attempts to employ many of the workers, and we see the mother has a job there, as Bruce Wayne walks by and smiles at her in one panel.

The last page has Batman checking in on the family, and he smiles and waves to the little girl who waves back to him, then we see the final image…the broken angel on top of the Christmas tree, made up to look like Batman.

The final story is about the evilest villain of all: Abraham Langstrom, father of Kirk Langstrom, and new Man-Bat. Langstrom Senior is a corporate raider, who buys up companies and strips them for parts in a very ruthless manner, we also see that he owns pharmaceuticals and has no problem sending defective medicine to Africa to be used there because “It’s Africa.”. Yup, easy to dislike him. We also see he’s bullied his son, and is obsessed with being the Man-Bat and feasting on Flesh…well there’s a showdown with Batman of course, and the manner in which Batman takes him out eventually is draining…
(And thankfully, even in the midst of this, there’s a couple of jokes! Alfred makes fun of Bruce for saying Ouch while getting stitched up, and Gordon tells Batman people need to stop “Vigilante-ING” to which Bats replies “I don’t think that’s a verb”).

So all in all, a strong collection of 3 different stories, all relating to Batman, and giving us a nice connection to him and deeper understanding, all without extremely long and drawn out storylines. The Dark Knight is a great title to read if you like Batman but only want to dabble, or you want to jump in somewhere.

Sadly, this last volume marks the end of the series…I suppose it wasn’t feasible to carry this many Bat-titles, so we should be glad that this was around while it was. It’s also easy enough to read through separate from the major storylines, and good for filling your Bat-diction.

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Review: Hawkeye, Vol. 1: My Life as a Weapon by Matt Fraction, David Aja (Illustrations), Javier Pulido (Illustrations), Alan Davis (Illustrator)

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I’d been looking forward to reading this for so long, that I think I had a little mini-anxiety attack when I realized I was looking at it.
I mean, all the cool kids had already read it.
And here it was, in my hands!
I. Was. Cool.

Then I opened it up. And I shit you not, my first reaction was this:
Wha..? No. But?! Mother fucker. What’s up with this ugly-ass art?! Well, shit. This is just great. So that’s what they were all talking about. That’s just…fuuuuck. God. I can’t…ugh.
So I shut it.
Yes. I was so pissed at the blocky drawings that I put it down, and went to make myself some coffee.
Because coffee is my comfort food…
And I’ll bet my secret stash mini-Snickers that you guys are all going What?! Is she insane? The art is the best part of the book!
Well, sorry. I wasn’t expecting that. And coupled with my sky-high expectations for this one? Let’s just say that I’m not terribly surprised that I had a bit of a hissy fit/mental breakdown. In fact, I can actually feel my blood pressure rising just reliving those first few moments.
Hang on. Gonna make some coffee…

I’m back.
shlurp
Ahhhhh.
Did I overreact?
Of course. Even I can see that, now. Hell, I could see it then. But I didn’t care at the time, because I was in the middle of a hormone-induced break with reality. Couldn’t be helped. There are some days when the slightest thing can send an otherwise rational woman spiraling into Crazy-Eyed-She-Devil territory. Yesterday was one of those days for me.
shlurp
I’m fine today. Mostly.
Although, I would advise that you wait a few days before mentioning that this review has turned into a bowl of rambling nonsense, just to be safe.

So how did this go from I-Want-To-Shove-It-In-My-Toilet-But-It-Won’t-Fit-Down-The-Tiny-Hole-In-The-Bottom-Of-The-Bowl, to 5 stars?
Coffee, of course.
shlurp
And maybe I raided the kid’s Easter baskets for any leftover chocolate.
Then I sat down again. And this time I read it.
Oh. Muh. Gawd.
It was everything you guys said it would be and more!
Hawkeye and Hawkeye
Bro
This looks bad
And:
The dog…
If you didn’t get a little misty-eyed about Arrow/Lucky, then I’m afraid we can’t be friends. Personally, I was slightly choked up by the time Clint named the dog.
Slightly choked up, mind you. Not a blotchy snotty mess. Nope.
Because I wasn’t a fountain of raging mood swings when I read this.

This volume also included a story from the Young Avengers at the end, and it was phenomenal!
But.
I’ll let you in on a little secret…
I missed the artwork from the Hawkeye title when I was reading it.
Don’t. Say. It.

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Review: FF by Jonathan Hickman, Vol. 1 by Jonathan Hickman, Steve Epting (Illustrations), Barry Kitson (Illustrations)

 

FF by Jonathan Hickman, Vol. 1 by Jonathan Hickman

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

 

Our FOURTH week of Shallow Buddy reads is a nod to Marvel’s oldest family, The Fantastic Four!

Sadly, Johnny Storm is dead. So, FF now stands for Future Foundation.
Because Fantastic Three just doesn’t have the same ring to it, you know?

Each member of the family is dealing with it in their own way.
But everyone has been hit hard by his death, including his best friend, Spidey.

Ironically, Johnny has left a last will and testament (of sorts) that names Peter as his successor, should anything happen to him.
After all, who wouldn’t want to be part of the Fantastic Four Future Foundation? And if anyone can replace the sexy playboy persona of the Human Torch, it’s Spider-Man!

I thought Hickman missed an opportunity to bring a little more humor to the tile by not using Peter to his full extent…quip-wise, anyway. Unfortunately, to me, he seemed a bit like an afterthought to the entire story. He didn’t really add anything to the dynamic, because with Alex Power in full dress-up mode, they already had a fourth (quasi-adult) member. I wasn’t upset that Spider-man was included in the line-up, but I wasn’t impressed with him just being there, either.

The actual plot was…well, it was classic Fantastic Four wackiness.
You remember all of those Alternate Reeds who formed a secret cabal in some pocket area of limbo?
Yeah, me neither.
But they’re out there…lurking. Making dirty deals with the Mole Man, and other random not-human villains that I didn’t recognize.
Turns out, not all Reeds are created equally. And not all Reeds give a shit about pesky little things like morality.
Yeah. So it appears that there are several evil versions of Mr. Richards running around wreaking havoc on our Earth.

The solution?
Call in all of his greatest nemeses, and have those fellas band together to come up with a plan, of course!
Enter DOOM!
And other less recognizable important villains.
And did they help?
*shrugs*
I don’t know. Maybe? Ish? It’s so hard to get a straight answer out of this title!

On a somewhat unrelated note:
Doesn’t Reed just look
sassy
on this cover?
WhoTheFuck thought this was a good look for a middle-aged married man?!
He looks like he’s about three seconds away from breaking out into a rendition of Over the Rainbow! Admit it, you know I’m right.

Alright back to the story.
Of course, those darn Franklin kids were running all over the place.
The creepy little girl, Valeria, played an especially large role in the story. And, naturally, she knows more than she’s letting on at first.
Ugh. She freaks me out! Am I the only one who gets the shivers from this kid?

The Inhumans show up at the end, so I’m pretty sure that if this new team can’t put a stop to the bad guys’ shenanigans, Medusa and Black Bolt will sort ’em out.

Ok. Here’s the thing, I really want to like the Fantastic Four. I feel like I should somehow connect to these characters, because they’re a family, and I’m a family kind of gal.
Somehow, I should recognize something of myself in Sue, because she’s a smokin’ hot wife and mother like me, right?
But…I just don’t.
I always end up feeling bad for her.
She should have swallowed those weird kids when she had the chance, and left Bill Nye the Science Guy for Namor a looooong time ago.
*sigh*
A girl can dream, right?

Not a bad first volume for FF, but I’m still not sold on this team. Lucky me, I’ve got a whole week of their titles! Maybe the next one will hit that honey spot?

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Review: Flash Vol. 4 – Reverse, by Francis Manapul

The Flash, Vol. 4: Reverse by Francis Manapul
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Reverse Flash is a bad guy, in the Flash Rogues Gallery, but this version of Reverse Flash is actually more of a tragic story.

You know, it seems obvious to me that Flash just isn’t on Geoff Johns’ list of important New 52 characters. I mean he’s got a competent writer, but the storylines are shit.

So people who got stuck in the Speed Force with Barry all got some powers…and now someone kills them all off, until only Iris is left…Barry sees a slowed down video that shows his reverse symbol, and goes after Kid Flash…cue some stupid running together and making stupid conversation scenes as they burn across the world, and Bart shows what a moron he is here…saved by the Teen Titans again.

So oops, not him, well he thinks it is the rich guy who helped him save the city but turns out to have different aims…nope.

Of course, it’s DANIEL WEST! Iris’ brother, who Flash caught in issue one and sent to prison for bank robbery. Daniel, who was out of prison just long enough to make it back for the Gorilla invasion (what? ya I try to forget that too…) and saved by the Rogues…of course no, they rob everyone, and Daniel don’t like that, so he acts like a dummy, and gets blowed up real good like with all the Speed Force stuff and a monorail car…

Instead of dying, why no, it bonds to him and he discovers he can go back in time! But it is hard on him…
Then we see he killed all the others, and used them like batteries, to go back in time…

What does he go back to do? Rob a bank? Kill Flash? Ace his SATs? Escape prison? No, actually he goes back to murder his and Iris’ abusive father…who we see beat both of them and was a real asshole. We also see that Iris was one of those dumb “oh he only hit me because he was drinking, it’s not his fault!” type of victims who makes excuses. Instead, Daniel/Reverse Flash (how clever indeed) wants to kill him so his sister, who he loves, will never have to be hit again…yes it will mean Daniel escapes it too, but we see that he loves her more.

Flash stops him and gives him a lecture about not changing the past, and learning from it, stopping him by taking the Speed Force energy from him? In fact, the writer even has Flash say “I have no idea how that worked, I couldn’t explain it again if I tried” WOW. What a cop-out and lazy writing.

So back in the present, Daniel is back to normal-ish, but I’m sure he’ll return. He goes to prison, and we see flashbacks of how Iris was to him as they grew up, and she’s kinda a self-absorbed cunt…no time for her little brother…maybe he should have just been like her and embraced the punches?

Anyhow, I was really bothered that Iris doesn’t forgive him or buy his story at all, and pretty much says that her brother is dead to her, and died when he was a kid. WOW, that’s harsh…he turned into a supervillain and killer because he wanted to save you from getting beat up your whole childhood by your father…hmmm ya, I agree, what a horrible younger brother that is…

So if this is who Iris West is in the New 52, I’m glad Barry is with Penny.

Then we get a stupid tacked on story about Iris and Barry’s meet cute in Gotham right before Zero Year (because how much more can we advertise Batman???) Barry is helping out, riding alongside Harvey Bullock and his partner…there’s some shenanigans, Barry saves Iris, Iris saves Barry, and Bullock has to do something dark. Then Barry gets all goody goody on Bullock about how that wasn’t right, and Bullock puts him in his place and pretty much tells him to fuck off and grow up a little. It made me love Bullock just that little bit more.

So here’s the thing; I want to like this. I do, the art is a bit childish, but it’s not bad. It is consistent, which isn’t something you can say for a lot of books…but the plots are stupid, and Barry comes across as very naive and a little too black and white. I mean I guess he’s a cop by choice, so that tells us something…but I wish he’d show some more personality? He’s just too much wet blanket for me…

I just hope we see Wally West soon, and that Daniel West isn’t the character they used instead…ugh.

So this might not be a 2, it might be 2.5-3, but I couldn’t get over the feeling of really not liking Iris after her treatment of her brother, and I feel like they’re just in a holding pattern waiting to push Patty out of the picture.

Flash, you need to make shit interesting, because even if there’s no actual problem, you’re BORING, and I don’t feel like going out of my way to read you anymore.

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Review: Superior Spider-Man Team Up Vol. 2 – Superior Six; by Chris Yost and Kevin Shinick

Superior Spider-Man Team-Up Volume 2: Superior Six by Christopher Yost
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Continuing EVIL week buddy reads with the Shallow Readers, here we’ve got Superior Spider-Man (Evil Otto in Good Peter’s body) alongside the Sinister Superior Six (Vulture, Electro, Sandman, Mysterio, Chameleon (and usually Doc Ock!).

Here’s an interesting twist on things: Otto has the other members of the Six under control via his Spider-bots, so he has control of all their actions, and is using them for various evil shenanigans good!

Of course, since this is Spider-Man, everything goes tits up…Otto is finding out the hard way, he’s got his AND Peter’s bad luck multiplied! The Wrecking Crew shows up to steal some Quantum Physics thing, and he gets help from some Sun Girl character.

Also, the Six talk about how something is off, because Spider-Man was never this mean and also not this long without a joke…talking about how it’s juxtaposed between their evil torture and his, and his taking control of them and imprisoning them to do his bidding is far worse than anything they ever did to him…and they’re kinda right.

Spidey Otto learns from Sun Girl, the minor nobody who wanted to be just like Spidey, what it really means to be a hero, and Otto chastises himself for being too cocky and losing sight of the real reason…there’s also some sad stuff about Sandman, and how he used to think Spider-Man wasn’t all bad, but now, it’s different, and Otto realizes that he’s done far worse than keep them prisoner, he’s united them in the bond of hatred they feel for Spider-Man. Irony of ironies, Otto as Doc Ock could NEVER get them all that together.

The next story Anne will love! It’s all about Otto Spidey being all woebegone after his failures with the Six, and deciding to turn himself into the Avengers and admit everything…but he runs into NAMOR!

Namor is being pursued by Wakandan assassins, and Spidey helps him out even though the Sub-Mariner wants nothing to do with him. Then Spidey tells his tale and Namor laughs in his face and tells him thanks, that’s the best laugh he’s had in years. Then Namor sees Spidey disarm the robot assassins (because they’re not actually Wakandan) and he says, forget this shit Insect Man, you’re superior, you’re better than the sheep you protect, never forget that. Namor is about to tell him he’s earned his respect when Otto straight up BITCH-SLAPS Namor.

Yeah BOI!

Then he tells him that his bullshit better not endanger the people of his city anymore…and this convinces Otto not to be so emo, that in fact, he’s the greatest super hero EVER! So score one for Namor’s attitude making Otto Spidey stronger…and he gets bitchslapped. Awesome.

Next story is a switch from Chris Yost to Kevin Shinick, and while I enjoyed both, I think Shinick did a good job inserting a bit more humour into the rest of the volume.

This one features our favourite NYC Street Trifecta: Spidey, Daredevil, and Big Pun!
Spidey is internal monologuing about how the city sits on the brink of tension, like before WWI, the American Revolution, and:

“Or the bullet that killed someone named “TWO PACKS” that apparently kicked off some Bi-Coastal WRAPPING War…”

BWAHAHAHA! I laughed so hard at that one I woke my wife up. Two Packs…hahaha. OTTO I love you so hard.

He’s interrupted by Frank and Matt, Frank shoots him to get his attention, and Frank asks when the webbing became bulletproof…then Otto asks how he knew that, only for it to click that he didn’t know and he just shot at him! LOLZ! Oh you guys!
Anyhow, Daredevil says relax, the Devil made him do it…HAHA! (See? a Pun? Weak but funny. Even little ones like this would help DC) it was rubber bullets…at least Frank said they would be…and we need to talk.
Otto freaks out, to which Matt replies “We’re going on five seconds and you’ve already said “Egads” and “Confound it”. You’re NOT yourself…and I’m a tad concerned…”

When Spidey checks to see if Punisher followed DD’s instructions to use rubber bullets, his reply?
“Let’s just say I hear as well as he sees”

This is comedy gold. I mean a Punisher who cracks jokes? OK sure. This I love, and Spider-Man is the ruthless angry one…bingo. LOVE IT.

Down to business, someone stole some of Frank’s weaponry, and he and DD want Spidey’s help, plus they’re not sure if maybe he didn’t take it…so we go back to his secret lair Spider Island. There we discover that someone has stolen all of Otto-Man’s stuff, and that his whole team of minions has been infiltrated…a large battle ensues, and we see the trifecta working together, but Otto refuses to trust the other 2…Daredevil is all “bitch please, Punisher is blind from a flash bang, I’m blind, and we are running around, and Spider-Man doesn’t make ONE ‘blind leading the blind’ joke? who is the sketchy one here?’ (I paraphrase)

Then we have a revelation as to who could have engineered such a job, and gotten into everyone’s heads, once the 3 are on the trust game again (Punisher even makes a trust exercise joke, about falling backwards onto his knife. – I LOVE the Punisher being a smartass….here’s a free idea for Marvel…Peter Parker’s mind in Frank Castle’s body!) Otto Spidey gets SUPER MAD when he discovers that everything is Green Goblin!

The last 2 issues are a very cool retro-drawn look back at how Gobby and Doc Ock started to work together, and how Gobby fucked Otto over super hardcore. Otto’s realization that Goblin did the same thing to him a second time while he’s been Spider-Man is very cleverly illustrated over a 2 page spread, where we see the parallel situations…except this time, Otto thinks with his heart instead of his brain, and that’s what allows Peter’s soul to re-emerge in Spider-Man, and defeat Osborn where Otto never could.

Otto even refers to Peter as the better man, and says he saved both Otto and Anna Maria (Otto’s love while living as Peter). The last page belongs to Pete, telling us in a recap what happened, and how he’s learned about Otto by reliving all his memories and entire life…he won’t condone his actions, but he can empathize with him and relate far better. He also says that Otto deserves the credit for the goblin serum that removes it from those who were infected, so his brain actually was scientifically superior to any other. Then Pete’s final observation is the irony behind Otto’s victory over Norman is that he didn’t think with his mind for once…

I gave this book 4 stars but I think I enjoyed it more than that. I will say so because I just finished Superior Spider-Man’s whole run, and Otto went out in such a way…This feels like returning to a long lost friend…which means that Otto’s Superior Spider-Man was a success, because reading him again made me smile. I have to think that the Superior Spider-Man may be one of the best story arcs of the last decade plus. It took away someone we took for granted (Peter Parker) and it turned our perceptions of his longest running enemy (Otto) and flipped them. Otto as Spider-Man was a great idea, and executed so very well too, which is half the battle with good ideas, letting them come to fruition properly.

I will be seeking out the first volume of this Team-Up series (I did read another one, but it was actually Avenging Spider-Man issues with this title on them instead…).

Strongly recommended for anyone who liked Superior S-M. Very enjoyable, and I do hope Otto rises again somewhere, and is forever changed by his experiences.

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Review: Fantastic Four: 1234 (Marvel Knights 4 #1234) by Grant Morrison, Jae Lee (Illustrator)

Fantastic Four: 1234 by Grant Morrison

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

2.5 stars

Beware: LOADS OF SPOILERS IN THIS ONE!
In fact, I’m probably going to end up spoiling the entire story. So.

Our FOURTH week of Shallow Buddy reads is a nod to Marvel’s oldest family, The Fantastic Four!

OH! So close!
This one almost made me get excited for this team. Almost.
At first it seemed like this was a grand What If story, told in Morrison’s schizophrenic style and brought to life by Jae Lee’s art.
Very cool, no?

No.
Midway through, I was convinced that this was going to be THE ULTIMATE Fantastic Four story for me.
Ben goes to see Doom, because he promised to tell him The Truth about something. Whatever he says rocks Grimm’s world, and in exchange for listening…Victor cures Ben.
Meanwhile, Reed has hooked himself up to some machine, and become totally unresponsive to the outside world.

Sue goes to Alicia’s house to escape her brother’s childish behavior, and get some advice on what do do about Reed.
He ignores her for his work, she cna’t take it anymore, blah, blah, blah.

Ding Dong!

Guess who shows up at the door?

Also, it looks like Doom is actually Reed!
OMG! Mr. Fantastic, what have you done?!

I’m literally bouncing around by the time I read that part!
*insert squealing*
Shit is getting REAL!

Oh. Wait. No, it isn’t.

I was drooling all over the place, thinking YES! I’ve found MY Fantastic Four Book!, and that’s when the cop-out happens.
Wah, wah, wah…
Nothing is really real. Reed is still a good guy. Sue still loves him, Ben was tricked (but it can be fixed!), and Johnny…well,the rain shorts out his power, but it’s cool.
Turns out Doom has a giant reality bending Game of Life machine.
Not kidding. I wish I was, but I’m not…

So. Reed somehow figured out that Victor was going to use his Game machine on them, went onto his lab, built a replica of the machine, hooked himself up to it, grew more brains, and outplayed Dr. Doom.
But somehow…there was no time to explain to the rest of the team.

I loved the idea of mixing it all up, going crazy with the personalities, and turning these guys loose. It could have been interesting, but it ended up turning into a boring scoop of vanilla. And since it was Morrison, I not only felt unsatisfied by the conclusion…I was also slightly disoriented and confused.
Thanks, Grant.

First part of the story is great, so I’m grudgingly giving it 2.5 stars.

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Review: Suicide Squad Vol. 4 – Discipline and Punish; by Ales (thank God it’s a new writer!) Kot

Suicide Squad, Vol. 4: Discipline and Punish by Ales Kot
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

3.5 Stars for sure, creeping a bit higher?

After the clusterfuck that was the “writing” of Adam Glass (is NOT half full of anything but shitty writing), this new direction from Ales Kot is a VERY welcome change. It’s like eating Spam for 3 meals in a row, and then, having a hamburger: The hamburger to anyone else, is just an average hamburger, but to anyone who choked down the Spam? It’s fucking Filet Mignon!

Finally, instead of infighting, triple agents, betrayal, the constant threat of blowing up bombs in their heads, and Deadshot being shot. dead. by. his. own. gun.; we have a squad of killers actually working at their maximum potential, and we’ve mostly eliminated the C-list cannon fodder.

No Yo-yo (shockingly he didn’t regenerate AGAIN), Voltaic is there, and talks, all totally normal, but gets the shit kicked out of him, and the aftermath, well takes him out of the picture. No Avalanche, El Diablo, Black Spider, or any other fucktards.

We get: Deadshot, ALIVE AGAIN!!!!!! Harley, Unknown Soldier, King Shark, Cheetah (Wonder Woman villain) and…James Gordon Junior…WHA?????? OK well he’s just an advisor to Waller, but he seems to make a lot better choices and suggestions than the past people have.

We finally get told that they unlocked Samsara Serum, which resurrected all the dead peeps (Deadshot especially). We also see the team work together to get the upper hand on Waller, and we also see Gordon wisely work with them, in order to balance things out and get everyone moving forward to actually accomplish shit.

The team are all actually bad guys here, not lame-o dudes. Deadshot kicks the shit out of Unknowy for payback after he killed him last volume, and Gordon knocks Deadshot out. Cheetah leaves Deadshot to fall to his death (though he doesn’t actually).

We finally see the violence directed against the right people (ie. targets, and not each other so much. We also have a revelation, tied to Voltaic’s death…that’s permanent this time…the Samsara Serum…will actually kill people exposed to it…including…Deadshot AND Waller!!! Dum Duuu DAHHH!

The art goes downhill in the second half of the book, but seeing as how the writing isn’t spam anymore…I’m not going to gripe too much about it.

Finally, instead of having their target always get the better of them, have a spy, an infiltrator, or just defeat them, with the aid of Gordon’s brain and everyone on point, they totally bitchslap the minions of the badguy (named John Lynch…how original! He’s the bad guy in the A-Team, in one of Ed Brubaker’s books – SLEEPER I think…and just obvious) who was also on Team 7 (seriously, who the fuck WASN’T on this Team 7?)

Finally a squad of psychos and killers (who are actually intelligent here) gets the job done and just makes the other baddies look like chumps.

Oh, and there’s a Foreigner song lyric used! I love it. 80s music nostalgia used in a 2010s comic…so good. Big Smile. (Oh and Gordon is in love with Waller!)

Then we’ve got 2 issues by Matt Kindt, which are both stand alones, one about Harley and one about Deadshot (because this series is making them the bread and butter of it, no matter what.)

I didn’t care for the Harley one too much, as Mike ably pointed out, there’s more info about how she got her costume together than anything else, and it’s not very interesting, just kinda rehashed info.
I’m guessing Kindt wanted these to be packaged together, because Deadshot shows up at the end of Harley’s, and his words at the end are more or less EXACTLY what he says at the end of his own story the next issue.

Deadshot’s focuses on his origin, which I wasn’t really aware of, and it’s kinda Batman-esque, and also in a bad part of Gotham…but it doesn’t have the same outcome, even though he also becomes a highly trained soldier in his own personal war, and he likes big money.

I almost liked it, except he lost the plot (Kindt) when he made it appear that Floyd’s only motivation was $$…for everything else he shows, he just ruins it by showing the $$ motivation. I could have done without that…and then he goes and pretty much says he’s useless without being aimed at the right target, and can’t do anything alone…so of course he has to go back to Waller and the Squad to be complete or worthwhile…

What a pile…for everything in the Deadshot issue I liked, he ruined it in the last 3 pages by wiping his ass with it.

So all in all, if you’ve not read any of Suicide Squad in New 52, this is average at best…if you’ve read it all, then this is like a Da Vinci masterpiece.

In all honesty, it’s just above 3 stars, but the context of how bad it was, makes this a lot better. Were I to read it without context or not right after all the others today, it wouldn’t impress as much.

I would actually go find volume 5 now…I will just wait for the library, but at least Ales Kot proved he’s at least worth paying some attention to as a writer who’s not stupid.

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Review: Suicide Squad Vol. 3 Death is for Suckers (and so is this plot!) by Adam Glass (is full of rubbish)

Suicide Squad, Vol. 3: Death is for Suckers by Adam Glass
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

OK this is the comically bad type of book…as in I want to see how bad it can get…it’s not one of those misogynist or homophobic or just stupid books, it’s just a lame book with stiff writing.

So, at the end of last volume, Deadshot shot Regulus by shooting through himself! So there really was a Suicide on the Suicide Squad…although I read it as he just wounded himself…and I read it like 4 hours ago…Anyhoo…moving right along to the start of Vol. 3 and we’re having a military funeral for Deady because well once a Marine, always a Marine, even a high-priced Assassin one.

Who should crash the funeral? Why Harley’s long lost boyfriend, Mr. Nicholas Face-Off Cage himself, the Heath Ledger!

He’s not so happy that Harley and Floyd (Deadshot) were getting their Missy Elliot, so they sorta break up in a violent manner, he leaves her chained up in a room full of skeletons…

Flash forward, and Waller is letting Boomerang go for his fine work with Basilisk, when Harley stumbles to the gates of Belle Reve, having escaped Mista J!

Then, who should pop up from the hospital bed, but? (If you said Deadshot, you win a prize. If you said Deadpool, you’re in the wrong company, and also, you’re probably too funny for this GRITTY REBOOT!)

So Deadshot has now returned from the dead, and Harley is healed from her issues…plus, we also have YoYo returned from his time in the King Shark Guts…however, some of them are still not recovered from their Basilisk battle…

So there’s a new mission, Deadshot and Harley are sent on, because of course, they’re the stars of this book. Who should join them? Yo-yo, a recovered King Shark and…Voltaic! (Wait, you ask, who the fuck is that? Why silly reader, that’s one of the members of the Squad from Volume 1 who Deadshot…Shot…Dead…in the Head…with Lead (bullets).) Ya, didn’t really care there, but OK, so they’re all now death proof or some shit, because the smarties finally realize that wait, they should all be dead by now…oh well, it’s time to go on a mission so we’ll just forget all of that stuff…

SIDEBAR! (Judge Ito: So ummm if they cannot be killed, why is this Waller able to bully them into doing her bidding by saying she’ll blow up the Nano-Bombs in their necks? If that’s the case, shouldn’t they just call her bluff? Besides, don’t they know the sequels always fail if they get rid of too many main characters at once?)

Anyhowzers…this time, we’re after a very evil one…Red ORCHID! Who is? Fucked if I know…well turns out, she’s Yo-Yo’s sister (cue up unnecessary flashback number 62 of this series). Yup.

Cue up some ripoff scenes from Kill Bill (room full of ninjas and shoguns and all this stuff of Asian martial arts culture in suits, I was waiting for Lucy Liu, but instead I got Asian Schoolgirls with Morningstars…yup VERY original!)

Voltaic gets stabbed through the heart with a Samurai sword, and doesn’t even flinch, so I’m assuming he’s a zombie or some shit, because he hasn’t said a word since his resurrection, so I’m guessing they’re going to tell us that they unlocked the secret of Resurrection Man (who’s hand they captured last volume…well, cut off and stole I should say…) and that’s why no one dies? I think that might make TOO much sense though, so shame on me…

Anyhoo. Red Orchid appears, alongside whomelse? Why, it’s Regulus! Who’s also not dead (and was just shot-dead by dead-shot…but is not.) how wonderful.
Yoyo’s internal monologue turns on and he becomes all Carpe Diem and heroic, as he leads the troops…
Then we see that Waller has sent them to retrieve a prisoner! Why, it’s KURT LANCE!!!!

(Ummm? Who? Well kiddos, he’s actually Dinah Lance’s husband, who she’s on the run from everyone for apparently murdering!!! – Turns out he too was part of Team 7 with Waller and Regulus (also I think Deathstroke was part of that team)) Ugh for fuck’s sake this is just retarded at this point.

The only reason I give this 2 stars is because of the bitchy joke that gets told: Yoyo tries to rally the troops, and cries out “SUICIDE SQUAD! ASSEMBLE!” to which Deadshot replies “That sounds ridiculous…who says that?” And I was like Oh no you di-int! And he was all, Hells ya I di-id! OOOOH Gurl!

Ya.
Well apparently, Regulus takes Kurt Lance and flees, and this is enough to make the hard as nails Waller run into combat!

At this point, Red Orchid has won and is about to kill everyone Poison Ivy style, but Yo yo wraps his head around hers, and gets Deadshot to shoot him in the neck (where his nano bomb of course, explodes heartily!). Hero! Yo yo goes out with a bang, but I feel like I’m going to see him in Volume 4 again…I just have a feeling…

The explosion leaves everyone dead..or so Deadshot thinks, until he’s saved by Waller, who’s somehow moved from her home base in Belle Reve, LOUISIANA to GOTHAM CITY in time to save them.

Then cue up the WORST dialogue ever…we’re talking Scott Lobdell, Ann Nocenti and Dan Jurgens rolled into one:

Waller to Deadshot: “Last I checked, I didn’t give you PERMISSION to die!”
Deadshot: “Amanda Waller, I never thought I’d be HAPPY to see you!”
Waller: “Don’t worry Deadshot, that’ll change QUICKLY…”

Shakespearean.

They all escape, and then Waller tells them they’re on a new mission, Deadshot says NO! Not until you tell me what’s going on! She reminds him of the Nanobomb! He calls her bluff! (For about the 5 trillionth time! No one is going to believe you any more if you don’t follow through Mandy.)

Then Waller…TURNS OFF ALL THEIR BOMBS!
Tells them this is personal, that she used to be on a team like them, Team 7…Kurt Lance is her FRIEND! And she’s going after him NO MATTER WHAT!

But why turn off our bombs?
Because I NEED YOU. And I will remember this if you help me.

And yet, no one shoots her dead right there, even though all of them could escape and be gone.

Then she makes all small talky with Harley, who starts to have a problem with Harleen in her brain and the 2 are fighting for control….

They’re attacked…by the Swamp Thing ripoffs that Regulus mentioned in passing last volume…

Waller is out! Deadshot says the only smart thing in recent memory, that OK, she’s not dead, they saved her, now let’s all fuck right off.

King Shark and Harley then tell him that he gave his word, and his word is his bond…Really??? REALLY? HE’s A FUCKING ASSASSIN! A PATALOGICAL LIAR! HE ALREADY DIED A BUNCH OF TIMES! HIS WORD IS NOTHING!

He’s about to leave anyhow when…”THE Unknown Soldier!” appears and tells him he better keep his word, because even scum like Deadshot should do that…

(And when he introduces himself, his words look like a logo!)

Uknowny (Imma call him dat) then says that he’s super fast and jacked and stronger than all of them and they’re gonna do what Waller wanted…Deadshot calls bullshit…

AND SHOCKINGLY!!!! UKNOWY SHOOTS DEADSHOT DEAD! WITH HIS OWN GUN! AGAIN! JUST LIKE THE END OF THE VERY LAST VOLUME! OH MY GOD! HOW ORIGINAL! I NEVER EVER EVER SAW THAT COMING! YOU JUST REDID THE SAME THING AGAIN! THAT IS SOOO EDGY!…for 1992.

Oh and they all look on with shock as Unknowy proclaims himself the new “Team Leader” of the Suicide Squad.

Tune in NEXT volume, when I predict that Deadshot…will be shot. dead. with his own gun. at the end of Volume 4!

I actually found this comically bad.

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Review: Suicide Squad Vol. 2 – Basilisk Rising, by Adam Glass (Half Empty)

Suicide Squad, Vol. 2: Basilisk Rising by Adam Glass
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

OK, this was my first read for our “EVIL” Week Shallow Buddyread.

Suicide Squad has always seemed like something I ‘d want to read, a Dirty Dozen comic book with baddies who might actually be anti-heroes…

Sadly, this New 52 version is just a bunch of c-listers running around with Deadshot and Harley. Yes, they’re both back, even though it seemed like they both died last volume…or so I recall..

Harley is a bit stable here because somehow the trauma of Mista J’s face-off made Dr. Quinzel’s personality take the lead…not that it changes much because it seems like Harleen is just a slightly less unbalanced version of Harley.

Deadshot is his usual I trust no one guy, and that probably makes him the smartest one here…which ain’t saying much. Thankfully there’s not any of that poor little sick girl stuff that made Anne vomit from Vol. 1.

We also get more of King Shark, El Diablo, Black Spider, and Light. Oh joy. I’m pretty sure that Deadshot kills light because she is going to kill Waller, and he wants the pleasure for himself…

They spend the first half the book running after The Resurrection Man, Mitch Shelley…I read the old RM books from the early 90s, but not the recent New 52 version…seems not much is different, he’s still got the strange girl assassins after him, and they come up against SS to see who takes him…people manipulate, we get the usual pissing contest between covert government agencies, and in the end, he escapes. Or so we’re lead to think.

Then they get after Basilisk, the Hydra-ripoff agency of evil, like SPECTRE or whatnot. Some D-lister blows up the plane they’re on, and they mostly die, except our main characters, who arrive on a desert island…which just happens to be populated with cannibals…they’re saved…by Basilisk…led by Capt. Boomerang!!! Who, if you recall, was in the SS and died in volume 1 for being a traitor…oh…
And he works for the head of Basilisk, who’s named Regulus or some shit? Sounds like Romulus…the mysterious Wolverine comics figure…anyhow, turns out that Black Spider is the SS traitor for Basilisk, but then it turns out that Boomerang was actually planted in Basilisk by Waller to double agent spy…Deadshot kills Black Spider, but it’s only his clone…or something…

Anyhow, a bunch of people die.

Then we get some stupid backstory about Waller before SS and as a field op, where she goes against Regulus, but we get a hint that they were on a team called Team 7 or some shit and worked together before that broke up…then he releases some sort of bomb (much like the Terragen Mist bomb in Inhumanity that Black Bolt released) which makes people into Metahumans, or kills them…
this is what leads Waller to want to form the Suicide Squad.

Follow me at all? No? Good.

Everyone turns on everyone, and mostly everyone is a double agent, or sleeper agent, except Deadshot and Harley (surprisingly, the only ones who aren’t C-D or F-list villains/nobodies…oh and on top of that…the Yoyo, team member who was eaten by King Shark in Vol 1? Ya he didn’t die, just sat in the shark’s intestines for a month, until getting out…wants to kill Waller, who says that she just helped him unlock more powers…

Oh and in case you forgot? Every 3rd page, we are reminded that all the SS members have nano-bombs in their necks to be killed if they don’t follow the script.

So that’s this one…until next one, where everyone will be a triple agent…ya.

Like Sam well said, this is a 90s action movie with a D-lister directed by the equivalent…Lorenzo Lamas in Cinemax’s Suicide Squad, directed by the shambling corpse of Ed Wood.

SOOO Bad, it’s nearly good. I am mildly interested in Deadshot, and I like Harley (boobies!) that and the library sent me all the volumes at once, and it’s EVIL WEEK! So I will keep reading this, taking 3 for the team, who I’m sure I’ll double cross 4 times and die twice before the end of this…

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