Review: X-Women No. 1 by Chris Claremont, Milo Manara (artist)

X-Women No. 1 (One Shot)X-Women No. 1 by Chris Claremont

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


Who let this shit slide through?!

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Go on a high-flying, death-defying, globetrotting adventure with your favorite X-Ladies. Storm, Psylocke, Shadowcat, Marvel Girl and Rogue save the world and look great doing it.

When I read the ‘and look great doing it’ part of the blurb, I thought this might be a little campy, but I never thought it would be downright insulting. After all, this was written in 2010. How bad could it be?

Well, bad enough that by the end of this, I looked a bit green…

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I’m not sure I can adequately explain the rage monster, so I’ll let the pictures help me tell the story.

The X-Gals go on vacation together for a little Girl Time.
Poor Kitty didn’t have a bathing suit, so she just used dental floss to cover her ass.

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After a night of drinking, Rachel gets kidnapped. As per usual.
But the X-Babes roll in to save her in the sexiest way possible.
Except she can’t leave, because they’ve got Emma Frost locked up, too!

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Oh no! They’ve lost their powers!
But Storm still has the power to get her ass in Rachel’s face.
Tee-Hee!

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Well at least something good came out of them losing their powers.
I mean, at least now Rogue can…touch the other women.

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Oh, and they can all lounge around in their panties making pouty lips.
Bonus!

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More unrealistic things happen, and all the ladies end up as extras in a soft-core cable porn movie.
Hapless Prisoners on the Island!
Isn’t the bamboo gag a nice touch?
My Rage Monster thought so, too!

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The smarmy guy with the goggles on his head is the leader of this island, and he take a shine to our fair Storm. He’s married to an equally over-sexualized woman who makes lots of angry/jealous faces while her husband paws at Ororo.

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She resists him at first, but eventually offers to stop struggling if he will free her friends.
But, no. He says he likes the struggle…

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Don’t worry! With the help of their new island buddy, Mr. McRapey, they take out the bad guys and rescue their friends.
Oh, look! That darn McRapey just can’t seem to leave Storm alone, can he?
*giggle*

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I’m so angry. So, so angry.
Even though I’ve always thought his dialogue was dry, crunchy, and stuck in the 80’s, I still used to have a modicum of respect of Chris Claremont.
He’s Mr. X-man, and his stories were responsible for changing things in the mutant universe. And he’s The Guy who changed a lot of things about the way comics were made, as well.
But you know what?
That shit will only carry you so far in my book. He pretty much has one more chance to redeem himself, before I totally write him off as an author. I get that he wasn’t responsible for the artwork, but that whole storyline with Storm was unacceptable.
Unacceptable! Do you hear me?!

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As for the artist, Milo Manara?
Well, this isn’t the first time he’s managed to Porn-up a female superhero.
He may have talent, but he shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a mainstream comic book. His artwork is laughably erotic. And to be honest, I was laughing while I was reading this shit.
Well, right up till my daughter asked me what was so funny.
Shockingly, I didn’t find it nearly as funny anymore.
The thought that my daughters could read this, and perhaps even think that this degrading, offensive, and hypersexualized version of women was something to aspire to?

I. Don’t. Think. So.

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5 thoughts on “Review: X-Women No. 1 by Chris Claremont, Milo Manara (artist)

  1. I agree. This was one of the worst comics I’ve ever read. Every single aspect of it was exploitative and insulting. It’s made even worse by the fact that it was written by Chris frigging Claremont, the guy who made the X-Men franchise synonymous with strong female characters. That he could then write this piece of garbage is stunning. It’s like a parody of a Claremont comic, with the lesbian and bondage undertones turned up to a ridiculous degree.

    The art is just gross. Even aside from the fact that it’s porn art, it’s just a gross art style. I’ve read and enjoyed some porn comics. Have you ever read Small Favors, by Colleen Coover? it’s utterly delightful. Manara’s art is just skeevy, and it’s gross. The faces are deformed and creepy, and the women are constantly posing. I hate Manara’s art style. It’s an ugly, unpleasant style, and I honestly do not get why he’s considered a legend, because look at those faces.

    Even the name is offensive. “X-Women.” Specifically setting them apart from the X-Men. Saying that the thing that matters most is that they’re female.

    Awful comic.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I was pretty shocked that it was as blatantly skeevy as it was, as well. Ugh. I haven’t read Coover’s small favors, but that’s not normally what I would grab offhand. Like you said, porn is fine, but I wasn’t looking for porn. Can’t believe Claremont wrote this. Not cool at all.

      Like

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